Love Letters from my Japanese Soldier Boy
by Darkbrokenreaper
Summary: A war has broken out between the Noahs and the rest of the world. Allen Walker, who is terminally ill, yearns for someone to listen to him and Kanda Yu just happens to be the one on the recieving end. Yullen!
1. Love Letters to Japan

**A/N: This was just an idea I wanted to try out since I heard the song with the same name on a show. This is an AU. Also, inspiration was provided from listening to Uta-hime by Hatsune Miku the Vocaloid over and over again. So please read and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the letters and the plot.**

Love Letters to Japan

September 4, 1938

_To the Person who may find this bottle,_

_It's stupid. It's idiotic. It's silly even, but my foster father once told me that sending a letter by putting it into a bottle and casting it out to sea is the best way to receive a letter back (a one in ten chance, he told me). And since I have no one to send letters to, I guess I just wanted to try this method. Not that I'm that desperate! Who am I kidding? A fish will probably swallow up this letter and bottle anyway, and then choke on it and then I'll be charged for killing off one of the endangered species of fish… but it can't hurt to try._

_So here it goes. My name is Allen Walker and I am twelve years old. I am currently living in England in a hospital ward. I am a terminally ill patient and I have been here since I can remember. Which is another thing. I don't remember a lot about my past but my first memories are seeing the white room for the first time and Mana's smiling face. It was... warm and it felt so nice. That was when I was four._

_I was adopted by Mana and I have lived here happily for eight years now._

_My foster father, Mana, visits me everyday and brings me flowers and clever little gifts that make my day so much brighter. I have no outside friends since I've been in the same white room for so long and Mana is my only door to the outside world. Not that I mind though! Oh no! I'm so lucky that I can be in the hospital with so many nice doctors and nurses. They take care of me and they play with me when I'm bored._

_Lenalee is my nurse and her brother Komui is my doctor. They're really kind to me and Komui is a bit of an eccentric but he isn't afraid of neither my disfigurements nor me. And Lenalee; she is always patient with me even when I am hopeless and she really enjoys playing with me out in the garden when I am well enough to go out._

_But even though I have so many friends, one does get tired of being in the same white room for so long. I'm not losing hope though. Komui said that my illness is only an obstacle in the road known as life and he will try his utmost to ensure that I can live for as long as possible if not cure the disease._

_Ahaha... I feel guilty that I am pushing my troubles onto you but I guess that I needed to get that off my mind first. _

_So to the person who receives this letter, may I say it is very nice to meet you._

_Sincerely,_

_Allen Walker_

_P.S.: Enclosed is a picture of myself. And yes, my hair is naturally white. Don't ask me why. _

_--_

October 14, 1938

Kanda Yu was out by the seaside again, taking in the crisp salty smell and the sight of the white rolling waves. Relaxing his sore muscles, he strolled leisurely across the wet grainy sand. It was cold in the morning but he didn't mind. The wind felt nice against his heated skin. He had just finished his daily training routine and he loved going by the ocean afterward to allow himself time to cool down. The sight was a soothing and welcome one.

The sun was just about rising and he clicked his tongue in displeasure. The house would be awakening soon and that meant that he needed to be home before someone noticed that he had disappeared again. He hated the house and his family in it and wanted nothing more than to run away with his prized sword Mugen and go somewhere exotic (maybe the Americas as his 'brothers' had talked about it often but he was not one to make hasty decisions).

Scanning the white pearly sand, something glinting green caught his eye and he made his way over to the pile of seaweed. Blinking, he knelt down and fished a glass bottle out of the seaweed gingerly. His nose wrinkled; it smelled of the sea and rotting fish. It looked to be a bottle of some kind of foreign wine but it was much lighter than it should have been. He held it up to the light of the sun and peered inside. A letter and something else was neatly folded inside. A cork kept the contents dry and he pulled it out gently with a 'pop'.

Unfolding the letter and the other paper, his breath caught in his throat. It was a photograph. The picture portrayed a beautiful boy with the purest white hair and sparkling silver eyes that glowed with inner mirth and laughter. Kanda had never seen such exquisite eyes before and they captured his soul. It was obviously taken in a garden because red roses that contrasted drastically with the boy's pale skin surrounded him. The child was wearing a blue hospital gown and bandages cover one of the boy's arms, the left one as well as the boy's neck. There was something about the child in the picture that was so lovely and he desired to hide this photograph in a place for his eyes only.

Opening the letter, he smoothed out the crinkles in the creamy ivory paper with his hands. It was legible but in a different language. English, but his upbringing in the house with his godfather and his god brothers had made him proficient in the language (he grudgingly thanked them in his mind) and he read the letter with ease.

* * *

November 1, 1938

Allen slowly crept out of the hospital ward, grinning inwardly to himself for outsmarting the frazzled nurses about his disappearance. He was getting faster and much more elusive about his escape than usual ever since he sent the letter. Snickering lightly, he hopped out of an open window and made his way to the beach near his current home.

"I'll be right back," he whispered to himself, snickering slightly.

He loved the people in the hospital and in turn, they doted on him (he was a favorite and loved by all of the patients and staff) but sometimes they worried too much and over-exaggerated his fraying health. Despite his innocent looks, he held a roguish spirit inside and he reveled in letting it out once in a while. Where he had developed such skills, he did not know.

Climbing down the rocks, Allen headed for the shore as he always did in the moonlit night. He winced when particularly sharp rocks cut into his feet (he was only wearing his slippers). Allen pulled off his slippers at the base of the cliff so he would not get them wet. His bare feet crunched against the sand and he wiggled his toes to free himself from the gritty texture. The wind was cold as it was November but he brought along a heavy jacket to cover him. The white-haired child breathed in the tangy scent through his nose and let it out slowly in a puff of condensation. A feeling of peace washed over him and he grinned mentally. He had picked a beautiful night to spend at the sea.

Walking around the shoreline, Allen watched the inky black waters for a while, squinting his eyes to watch for anything glinting in the moonlight.

He sighed to himself and smiled sadly, "Nothing."

Suddenly, as if hearing his statement, an incoming wave came on to the shore and dropped its precious cargo at Allen's feet. He blinked with amazement before slowly picking up the item. To his shock and delight, it was a bottle with a letter and photo inside. Mana was right! Sending a letter through the sea really worked. He inwardly cheered.

His mind did not register the fact that this might not be the letter he was waiting for. Nor did it register that maybe his letter did not make it through. All he saw was the proof of his prayers in front of him in a commercial sake bottle.

He popped the cork with some difficulty and eagerly but carefully pulled out the delicate papers. Sitting down on the wet sand and ignoring the feeling of seawater soaking his thin pajamas, he read through the letter once, slowly savoring each word as his silver eyes scanned the paper. Then he read it again, and then a third time. He set the letter on his lap, his left eye twitching horribly. This was indeed a reply to his letter... but...

Allen pulled out the picture and unfolded it with special care.

His eyes widened when he saw the picture. It was a magnificent photograph of a young Japanese teenager scowling into the camera but Allen had never seen such dark eyes. They reminded him of a sapphire broach that Lenalee had brought to him one day to show him. And such beautiful raven hair. It was long like a girl's but suited the teen just fine, and the silver-eyed boy found that he could not imagine any other hairstyle on the boy in the photo. The man in the photo was obviously from a rich family; long robes of a deep sapphire blue covered the man's sculpted body and surrounding him was a large expanse of a garden and green lawns as far as the eye could see. There was also a sword strapped to the man's waist and a hand was held protectively over it. Allen wondered why such a beautiful man would carry a sword.

Pressing the bottle and the papers to his chest, he stared up at the full moon.

_Thank you, God. For granting my wish. Now I have a new friend outside of the hospital. Even if he is a jerk-off..._

_--_

October 14, 1938

_Dear Moyashi (yes, I called you a moyashi and no, I will not tell you what it means),_

_Who the hell sends out a letter in a bottle out these days? Wait, let me answer that one. You._

_Do you realize how stupid and dangerous that is?! Someday, a stalker will come to your home and kill you in your sleep. And don't think that I'll miss you, you retard, because I barely even know you._

_But since you told me who you are, my name is Kanda Yu and I am fifteen years old. I live in Tokyo, Japan (how the fuck did the bottle float that far?!) and I have no one unlike you, you little whiny brat. My real family died and I was taken to some fucking old geezer's house. Apparently, he's my godfather but he already has two idiot excuses for sons. Why the hell would he want me? They're as annoying as hell and I fucking hate all of them. I'm going to escape someday so don't expect me to answer again if you decide to send another bottle._

_The good thing about the house that I currently spend my miserable life in, though, is that it's big so I usually can escape to the sea for a few hours without the old fart worrying about me. Che, as if I need anyone to escort me. I'm fifteen not five! _

_I have no friends nor do I need them. But there is this one annoying usagi (no, I will not tell you what this means either. Go figure it out yourself) that keeps bothering the hell out of me. He is ten times worse than the old geezer but I can't get rid of him. He pops out of nowhere like the fucking Easter rabbit and freaks the living shit out of me. He keeps hanging off of me like some weight and he keeps calling me by my first name. The little bastard. One day I will skin him alive and turn him into usagi stew. And then I'll feed him to my 'family' and hope they all choke and die. That'll finally give me some peace around here._

_To the idiot receiving this letter, I've got nothing to say to you except to get the hell out of my life. And stop sending letters to random strangers!_

_Kanda Yu_

_P.S.: Why the hell did you give your picture in a bottle to a person you don't know?! Do you know how many stalkers, kidnappers, and pedophiles there are out there? Idiot. _

_--_

Allen ran across the grassy lawns in the back of the hospital. The lights were on, meaning that someone knew that he was gone and he cursed under his breath. From the windows, he could see silhouettes of the nurses running around and the doctors searching the entire building for him. There was frantic shouting and mass chaos and all for him, which he noted with a sardonic smile. He searched for the window that he had escaped through only to find it closed.

The white-haired boy cursed again but this time out loud. That meant that only the front door and the back door were his only choices to get back inside. Both of which he would be seen. He groaned; might as well be caught now that people had found his absence. Or... he could always climb to the top of the roof and go down the stairs from there...

No, no... Mana taught him better than that. He taught him to always be honest and a gentleman especially around the workers in the hospital who did so much for him. Sometimes, he really did hate to the right thing. Allen braced himself as he entered the ward. Instantly, a black and white blur came flying at him and he squeaked in terror.

"Allen!" Lenalee cried in relief, throwing her arms around the petite boy in a tight hug. "Where were you? We all were worried sick! Are you okay? Do you hurt anywhere? Oh God! Why did you go out in your con-"

"Lenalee!" Allen wheezed, peeling the girl's arms off his shoulders to give his lungs room to breathe. "I'm fine!"

"Where were you though?" Lenalee scolded, finger wagging in the air. "You shouldn't be out there alone!"

"I just went out in the garden for a while," Allen lied smoothly, putting his hands behind his back and giving his most innocent look. The young nurse narrowed her violet eyes at him, scrutinizing his expression for a long minute.

"I believe you," she sighed and relinquished her gaze. "But hurry and get back to bed. I'll tell my brother that I took you out for a late night snack or something." She beamed mischievously at him and poked his stomach. "Knowing your monstrous appetite, I'm sure Brother Komui would accept that without any questions."

"Hey!" Allen frowned but his eyes were laughing. He allowed himself to be pulled by the girl back to the room. Along the way, he met with the other workers in the hospital and each time he assured them with a polite smile that he was fine and nothing had happened to him.

"So where did you really go, Allen?" Lenalee inquired once she escorted him to his room. There was a twinkle in her eyes that the small child didn't like.

"I told you," Allen offered his most candid expression. "I went to the garden for a bit of fresh air."

Lenalee rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Please, I am not believing any of that. Miranda checked the gardens a few minutes before you came back and she didn't find anyone there." Lenalee huffed with exasperation for a moment before commanding Allen to talk. "Tell me! I promise I won't tell anyone."

The young patient thought about for a moment but then decided against it. Telling her would mean that he would have to show her the letter and the picture and he didn't want anyone else to know about the handsome Japanese male. It would be his secret for now.

"Nowhere," the white-haired boy shook his head in denial with a small grin on his face.

"Mou, Allen," the nurse pouted. "I want to know. It must be something good if you're keeping it from me. But fine, I'll get it out of you one day."

"Good night, Lenalee," Allen smiled, waving at her.

"Good night, Allen," she waved back and then headed for the door. "Sweet dreams."

The door closed with a definite click and he was left alone again.

He sighed in relief. The letter and picture was safely tucked into his shirt and crinkled lightly against his skin. The sake bottle was tucked under the sleeve of his coat and remained hidden.

Once he was safely in bed again, he pulled out the two items and stared intently at the picture. The man was so beautiful that Allen felt the urgent desire to hide the photo from the rest of the world.

Looking under his bedpost, the young teen pulled out a box. It was an ordinary metal box made of base metals but it held a lot of significance to Allen. He pulled the key that he hung around his neck on a chain and inserted it into the lock. With a small click, it opened.

Inside was a picture of Mana and him taken when he was very young. There were also pictures of Lenalee, Komui, and all the other staff inside the hospital. He treasured the memories embedded inside each picture. There was also the elegant silver cross necklace that Mana had given him on his 10th birthday. It was an intricate little trinket and he didn't have the heart to wear such finery around his neck. Instead, he kept it in the box and once in a while, he would take it out and just stare at it with wonder. He took out each picture and each little memento he had saved over the years and examined them once over as he always did when he opened the container. Putting the picture and the letter into the box, he locked it again with a definite click.

Allen pulled out a pen and a new sheet of paper. Eagerly, he began to dictate another letter, one laced with many insults and verbal sparring. The chances of this one reaching the same person was slim to nothing but in Allen's mind, it couldn't hurt to try and who knows, he might just get lucky. After rereading the letter and deeming it good enough, he chose a picture from a photo album on his bedside. Allen pulled out the sake bottle and slipped both of these in.

Laying on his pillow, he gently closed his eyes and said a prayer.

_Dear God, I wish to meet the man in the photograph one day. He seems like a nice person inside even though he's a jerk. I know it is a lot to ask and it is a selfish desire but I want this._

**tbc?**

**A/N: This will be a story told in letters and it seems like a fun challenge as well as an original idea. There's not a lot of Kanda in it yet but he will be in more of the story soon! I hope you liked it! Please read and review!**

**IMPORTANT: This is going to cover a war (made up by me, of course since I can't do real history). The war between the Noahs (an elite family) and the rest of the world. Slowly, the Noah have taken over control in countries (Japan being one of them) and their aim is to purge the world from sin by killing the more 'inferior' humans (sounds like something from actual history, I know). Some countries have willingly sided with the Noahs while some believe that the Noahs are corrupt and rebel. Thus a war has spun for regaining control of the world and to stop the mass genocide from continuing. **

**Also, please support Yullen Week from June 1-6! I can't wait for it!**


	2. My Very Own Soldier Boy

**A/N: Second chapter. Wow, truthfully, I had this done a long time ago but I wanted to post this later to see how this story would appeal with the general fanfiction public. And since it was done a long time ago, I kept thinking up new ideas and then I'd add them in so here you go! A really really long chapter coming from me. Inspiration for this chapter came from listening to "Love is War" by Hatsune Miku the Vocaloid and "Believe Me" by Melody. Please read and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. gray man.**

My Very Own Soldier Boy

_November 1, 1938_

_Dear Bakanda (and yes, I have a comprehensive knowledge of the Japanese language),_

_You too are an idiot since you have also given your photo to a stranger you don't know. So please refrain from making hypocritical statements because they make you look foolish. Pleasantries aside, I would like to inform you that I AM NOT A BEANSPROUT! Pardon me, but I am… touchy about my height and feel that you have no right to criticize my lack of height since (as you have so eloquently pointed out) you do not know me._

_Today, I was allowed to go outside of the hospital (with supervision, of course). This was my first official trip outside the premises. The truth is no one knows about my outings to the sea at night. Staying in the same room drives a person mad once in a while and it gets unbearably stifling. Official trips come too little._

_I love the sea as it full of wonders so Lenalee and I went there for our outing. It was fun, much more enjoyable than my own secret rendezvous because I had her company. We built a sand castle, something I haven't done since I was a child. Unfortunately, I did not have the foresight to build it a ways from the sea and it was washed away by the waves. Lenalee laughed at my expression when our hard work was carried away but I found it quite disappointing. She secretly bought me ice cream afterward (I'm not allowed to have cold foods) and it was the perfect end to a perfect day._

_The weather is slowly getting colder and all the leaves are losing their crisp green colors. From my window, I can see the bare branches and the leaves twirling like ballroom dancers. It's a calming yet saddening sight. It means that winter is fast approaching and the hospital will slip into a state of solemnity. For all of its cold splendor and beauty, the winter turns the white room in which I reside in an even paler white (if that was even possible) and makes it dreary... but along with the cold comes my birthday, December 25th. _

_It is not my actual birthday but it was the day that Mana found me (I was an orphan and no, I do not need your scorn or your pity though I'd expect the former from you) and I consider it my birthday. It is on the same day as Christmas, one of my most favorite holidays. It's full of bright cheer and it brings a smile to my face in this bleak life. Mana always brings the most interesting gifts back from his travels. I cherish them dearly._

_And Lavi will come on the New Year's Day. He is one of my friends outside of the hospital but I don't see him very much because he is training to be the next Bookman (he told me that it's a sort of special historian). Because of his apprenticeship, he travels a lot and I usually see him one a month or whenever there is business he needs to do in England. He tells me fantastical tales of where he has been and what he has seen and he shows me souvenirs he brought along with him back to me. Sometimes, it's exotic foods that he allows me to try out since he knows how much of an appetite I have. One time, he brought me back wasabi and I ate a mouthful of it without knowing the potency of the stuff. He laughed at me when I was crying out for water and got scolded by Lenalee and the Head Nurse. I hope he brings me mitarashi dango. It's my favorite sweet ever since he brought some back from his last trip to Japan._

_Do you have a favorite season or a favorite memory, Kanda?_

_Sincerely,_

_Allen Walker_

_P.S.: This year I will turn thirteen. I cannot wait for it!

* * *

_

December 17, 1938

He didn't know why but ever since the arrival of the letter in the bottle, Kanda took more trips to the sea (if anyone asked, namely a very irritating rabbit, he swore on his sword Mugen that it was because he needed to get away from his annoying family) and more than often, he found himself going home with his heart in a grip. It was uncomfortable and his disposition was more than dark after every visit to the chagrin of his family.

Despite himself, he wished to see the boy in the photo. He yearned to see the mind behind the exquisite smile. Despite himself, he wanted to know the child who carried such a heavy burden yet came out to be so carefree. It made him envious of such strength but at the same time a little… happy.

An abnormal glitter of light caught his eyes. Something on top of the rocks glinted with a golden sheen. His heart rate sped up. Could it possibly be-? He almost punched himself for being such an idiot. This was nothing to be excited over and he was just overreacting because of a stupid letter from some beansprout of a boy. These things shouldn't affect him this much! But, it could hurt to take a look...

Kanda shielded his eyes from the sun. There was definitely something up there. He clambered up the rocks and almost fell off again when he saw what was catching the light's rays. It was a dark amber wine bottle.

Kanda picked up the container. He could not believe that this was happening; inside, there was a new letter and a new photo of the smiling boy that he had grown to adore. He hesitantly popped the cork and fished out the papers.

Fingers shaking, he held up the photo first. It was just as breath taking as the first one he received. Silver eyes smiled up at him and instead of the hospital gown, the boy was dressed in a regular dress shirt and black slacks. A dark brown newsboy cap adorned the teen's head and contrasted much like the roses did in the other picture. An impish grin graced Allen's lips, promising mischief and was absolutely delicious in Kanda's view. There was a certain charm to this picture and he treasured it as much as the first one.

"Yu-chan!" a red-haired blur ran into the older male who snarled in anger. Shit, how the hell did the rabbit bastard find him?

The red blur known as Lavi hugged him but backed off when the raven-haired youth's hand went to his precious sword.

"Get the fuck away me, baka usagi!" Kanda snapped, holding the bottle, photo, and letter protectively to his chest. "And stop calling me by my first name!"

"Ooh!" Lavi's solitary eye lit up once it caught sight of the bottle and the letter, "What do you have there? Is it a letter from a secret admirer? I didn't know you had it in you, Yu-chan!"

"None of your business!" Kanda snapped.

"Tell me!" Lavi demanded with a sparkle that irked the raven-haired teen to no ends.

"Hell no!"

"Tell me, Yu-chan, pretty please with wasabi on top and tempura and that disgustingly nasty sauce stuff that you put on your soba!"

"Fuck off!"

Lavi pouted but went back on track. "That's not what I came here for though. I have something to tell you."

"You've decided to go jump off a cliff and spare me from ever seeing you again?" Kanda commented dryly.

"No!" Lavi looked horrified by the mere thought. "I would never dream of leaving my precious little Yu-chan alone in the big bad world!"

Kanda nearly snapped with that comment but the sooner the rabbit left, the sooner he could read his letter. He ignored the blatant use of his first name and instead took a few calming breaths. This would be all over soon.

"Then what is it, baka usagi?" he asked sharply. "I haven't got all day to listening to you whine about your half-assed problems."

"Good news and bad news," the redhead intoned with a mock sorrowful look on his face. "Which do you want first?"

After a moment of thought, Kanda grunted, "Bad news."

"I am going to England!" Lavi cried pathetically, throwing his arms over Kanda's shoulders and sobbing like a girl who found out her favorite anime was cancelled.

"Good riddance, idiot," the Japanese teen said, throwing off the other's arms in disgust. "If that's the bad news, then I can't wait for the good."

"Yu!" the future bookman gasped, holding a hand over his heart, a look of pure hurt passing his face. "How could you? And here I thought we were going to spend our last moments sobbing over my departure and watching the sunset together in each other's arms."

"Shut the fuck up," the older youth replied snidely.

"Don't worry, my love!" Lavi threw his arms again haphazardly (he was a death-wish wielding bunny after all) around the man and continued with his melodramatic theatrics. "The good news is that I will be back in a few weeks bearing gifts from England for my lovely Yu-chan!"

Oh hell no. Kanda flipped him off before storming back up the rocks and toward the mansion.

"Wait for me!" Lavi shouted after him, scrambling after him and following him doggedly. "Say, Yu-chan. What is it, really?"

Kanda groaned, feeling a headache coming on. "If I answer you, will you get out of my life?"

"Maybe," the redhead answered conspiratorially, jade green eyes glimmering with false innocence. "But you know me. I can't promise anything."

"Then no," Kanda replied, holding the letter closer to his chest. He walked faster, moving farther away from Lavi.

In a few minutes, he was back on the garden grounds. Sitting under a bare tree covered with snow was his foster father, Froi Tiedoll. In the man's lap were a charcoal pencil and a sketchpad and he appeared to be in the midst of drawing the snow-covered landscape in front of him.

"Ah, Yu-kun," Tiedoll smiled and waved in greeting at the disgruntled teen. "Where have you been all this time? Marie and I were becoming worried about you."

"Can it, old man," Kanda snapped, storming past him quickly. "And stop calling me by my first name!"

"Hello, Mr. Tiedoll!" Lavi waved jovially, trotting behind the raven-haired man. "I'm just following Yu-chan here and trying to find out who sent him a letter."

"Shut up, baka usagi!"

"A letter?" the painter rubbed his chin thoughtfully, his interest piqued. He set down his drawing for a minute. "Who's the lovely lady, Yu-kun? I'm sure she must be cute and adorable to suit my precious son."

"Stay out of my life, geezer! And I am not your son!" Kanda snarled before running to the mansion and slamming the front door rebelliously.

"Dear me, Yu-kun is a touchy fellow," Tiedoll sighed, staring at his adopted son's retreat with a bit of both sadness and gentleness that only a father could possess.

"Mah, Yu-chan can be like that," Lavi nodded, smiling happily. "But that's his way of showing affection."

Upon returning home, Kanda locked himself in his room much to the protest of his brother Marie who happened to be making lunch in the kitchen. Safe in the confines of his room, he pulled out the letter and read through each word slowly. His mouth opened quietly as he mouthed the words, tasting each one with thoughtfulness and a care that astounded even himself. With each line, his heart grew heavier and his throat grew tighter.

Finally, the letter dropped out of his hands and landed in a heap on the ground. It was funny how words written by a child could be so life-changing.

"How the fuck does the moyashi know the baka usagi?" Kanda mentally screamed in outrage. He vowed that the next time he saw the damned rabbit that he would kill him with Mugen and throw his rabbit-y remains in the sea so the fishes could devour him.

He didn't want to admit the real reason for his infuriation but he felt the aching feeling in his chest nonetheless. For the first time in his life, Kanda Yu was in love. Not just any kind of love though; he was in love with a boy he barely even knew and he vehemently denied it.

Pulling out a pen and some paper, he began his next letter... only to slice the table in half with Mugen when he found out that he had run out of ink.

"I'm doing this for the future posterity, I'm doing this for the future posterity," Lavi repeated like a mantra in his head as he sneezed again. "I'm doing this for the future posterity… Stay calm, Lavi. This is going to go down in the history books… ah, to hell with it!"

Lavi swore colorfully as he hid out in the bushes of the Tiedoll residence. Why was he hiding out in his friend's house in less than favorable weather at night? There was a point to this; it's just that he forgot what it was when his felt his fingers go numb with the cold.

The door opened and shut with a quiet click. And here was Lavi's reason for his sufferings. Moving quickly, the redhead shuffled out of the shrubbery and followed Kanda out to the ocean. He knew the raven-haired youth would come out. Ten years with the man had taught him that much.

And as he predicted, in the Japanese's hands was a bottle.

"Argh!" Lavi panicked when he saw Kanda pitch it far into the ocean. "Shit! I'm gonna have to swim out for it!"

As soon as Kanda left (which was a really long time. Who knew the resident iceberg was one for walks on the beach and all that sentimental shit?), Lavi sprang into action.

Peeling off his shirt and his shoes, the red-haired teen dove into the freezing cold waters. Being trained as a bookman definitely had its good points and this was one of them. He had trained his eyes to find particular things quickly and efficiently so finding the bottle would be a piece of cake for him. He swam around for a few hours searching for anything that glimmered with the moonlight. So far, he had found a discarded bottle cap, a piece of fake jewelry, and an old coin. The redhead was not one to give up though and this was Kanda, the ever-elusive stoic samurai. Surely it would be worth all the trouble. Yes, it was definitely worth the trouble.

Wait, what was that green glimmer to his left?

Lavi almost squealed with glee when he fished the bottle out of the waters. It had taken him nearly two hours to find it but now it was in his possession and he held it to him with triumph.

He crawled back up to the sandy shores and deposited himself, heaving and panting from the exertion.

"Come on!" Lavi chided himself in his head, "Now is not the time to rest! There's precious information to dig up!"

Popping out the cork, Lavi pulled out the letter and unfolded the paper. This was it! Finally, after being best friends (well, Lavi thought they were best friends) with the man for 10 years, he was about to unwrap the mystery that was Kanda Yu. His fingers shook with the excitement of his discovery. The redhead read the contents quickly before blinking in shock and surprise. Then he read through it again to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him, but of course, being Bookman Junior, this was nearly impossible.

"You have got to be kidding me! Allen-chan?"

* * *

December 20, 1938

It was quiet and lonely in his room but Allen didn't mind. The furnace was constantly stoked in the lobby providing the hospital with a delicious heat, and every fireplace in the building was roaring with merry flames but Allen didn't feel like going to any of the rooms. He was upset because he had another seizure in the morning.

To Allen's illness, seizures were a normal day occurrence. What made him upset was the fact that this one was particularly bad. He had felt light-headed and a bit faint in the morning after breakfast and after that it had gone away so he didn't think much of it. After roaming around the halls with Lenalee like he always did, the dizzy spells had come back and from then on it grew slightly worse but it was still bearable. Allen passed it off as minor food poisoning and soon after the symptoms stopped again.

He had apparently fallen unconscious the next moment after the vertigo had stopped because when he had woken up, his tongue felt thick with blood (he realized he had bitten through it, but when?) and Komui was by his side, staring at him with relieved eyes. Lenalee was in the corner, gracing him a reassuring smile but he could see that she had been crying judging by her red-rimmed eyes.

"You've just had a seizure, Allen," the man patted his head and spoke to him softly. "Your symptoms show that it was a tonic-clonic seizure and you may feel disoriented for a while but you're fine now. It's strange though. You were doing so well with the new prescription and you haven't had a seizure in months. I'll run some tests after you feel better, okay?"

Allen had nodded lethargically but inside he was disheartened. Wasn't he supposed to be getting better and not worse? He was supposed to be cured now and having a normal life like every other child but nothing was working. He bit his lip in aggravation and balled up his fists in his sheets. Why couldn't he get better?

A knock disturbed his thoughts. "Come in."

"Allen-chan!" Lavi smiled as he entered the boy's ward. In his hands were a bouquet of white lilies and a bottle of liquor. The redhead came and sat at the boy's bedside.

"Lavi!" Allen jumped out of his bed and hugged his friend joyfully. "How are you? Did you bring me something back from Japan?"

"I'm fine! How are you doing?" the emerald-eyed teen hugged the white-haired child back.

"Better," Allen lied, taking the bouquet and smelling the sweet aroma. He smiled gently into the flowers. "These are lovely, Lavi. Thank you." Then his eyes caught the other item in Lavi's hand and silver orbs enlarged. "Is that-?"

The future bookman grinned, holding the container up for the child to see.

"Yep!" Lavi chirped. "I didn't know Yu-chan knew who you were."

"Yu?" the clueless boy blinked.

"The person who's been writing you love letters," the older teen answered, wagging the bottle tauntingly in the smaller teen's face. "Yes. I know all about your secret love notes."

Allen blushed, waving his hands frantically. "It's not like that!"

Suddenly, he jumped for the bottle in the older teen's hands but to no avail. "No way, Allen-chan!"

"Give it to me!" the albino whined and dove again but Lavi was taller than him and his efforts were in vain.

"Tell me how you know Yu-chan!"

"No way! Give me my bottle!"

Allen let out a groan of aggravation before tackling the future Bookman to the ground ("Oomph! What the hell, Allen!") and snatching the bottle from his hands. Holding the precious glass in his hands, Allen cradled it like a newborn child and glared at Lavi for holding it captive.

"You had it coming," was all the small boy could say before childishly sticking out his tongue.

"You still haven't told me anything."

"I don't need to."

"Allen-chan..."

There it was... Lavi gave him his kicked puppy look and a pout that nearly rivaled Allen's. Tears shown in the emerald eyes that tugged at his soul. His heartstrings were tightening and he suppose-no no no! This was Lavi, the infamous prankster and the person who tricked him into eating wasabi! But, the eyes were becoming more pitiful and...

"Oh, all right..."

"YAY!"

There was a lull of uncomfortable silence on Allen's part. He buried his face miserably in his hands while Lavi smirked at him expectantly. Why did Lavi of all people have to find out? Knowing his friend's mischievous side and his tendency to play on the white-haired teen's emotions, he was going to be teased mercilessly from now on. He just knew it.

"So? So?" Lavi squealed like a girl, emerald eyes twinkling brightly, "How did you two meet? I never knew that Kanda came to England."

"He doesn't..." Allen turned a brighter shade of red.

"Eh?" he blanked. "What? Then how do you know him?" Allen crashed into his pillow in embarrassment.

"You don't want to know," the little child replied, his words muffled by the pillow.

"Yes, I do!" Lavi insisted, pulling the boy back up and shaking him lightly. "Tell me! Come on! You said you would tell me! I want to know all the details!"

"No way! I changed my mind!" Allen shrieked, throwing his pillow at the older boy. "Stop pestering me about it!"

"Aww, please Allen-chan!" Lavi whined. "I promise I'll bring you your favorite mitarashi dango next time I come."

There was another lull where Allen's eyes widened and a line of drool appeared from his lips. It appeared that Lavi had hit one of the younger teen's weak spots: his monstrous appetite.

"Ten boxes," the red-haired teen promised with a convincing waggle of his eyebrows.

"Twenty," the smaller teen bargained with his disarming poker face. Too bad Lavi had grown used to the boy's disarming techniques and his gambling habits.

"Hell no! Do you realize how much they cost outside of Japan-"

"Our meeting was _so _romantic and he was _such_ a gentleman. But I can't tell you anymore lest I faint from hunger."

"Fine, fine!" Lavi growled, gritting his teeth in impatience. "Twenty boxes next time I visit you."

"Yay!" the patient cheered, jumping up and down on the springy mattress with victory.

"Now tell me! Tell me!" the redhead implored, wringing his hands with anticipation.

Allen blushed before finally beginning the convoluted tale that was his long distance love life.

After hearing the very improbable story, Lavi whistled lowly in awe, "Wow. You two are either fated to be together or just damn lucky. The fact that I know both of you can't be a coincidence either. It's like God is trying to put you two together."

"Lavi!" Allen smacked his friend playfully. "What made you think that? It's not like we're going to be together or anything! I barely even know the person!"

"Maybe not, but because of my apprenticeship as a historian, I travel a lot," Lavi began, "I can send your letters from now on! It'll be much quicker than you throwing your letters into the sea! Yeah! This will be great! I'll be the messenger of love between you and Yu-chan!"

Allen's face turned a few shades paler and his eyes grew wide. There was no way in hell he going to let Lavi deliver his letters. He'd choose the unpredictable sea over his equally, if not more so, unpredictable friend. He opened his mouth as if to retort before closing it again, imitating a fish out of water.

"Or you could just give me an address," Allen finally said, hopefully.

"No!" Lavi shouted, startling the small boy.

"Why not?" the patient squeaked and turned bright pink, "Why do you have to be, and I quote, 'the messenger of love'? I mean, _honestly_, I can use the post box like any other normal human being and without your extra fuss. Plus, if Kanda was any _normal _person, I think he'd expect mail from... oh, I don't know, a mail box?"

"But it won't be romantic!" Lavi pounded the bed with an urgency that slightly shocked Allen.

"W-Who said this was supposed to be romantic?"

"It's fate and I know that you love him!"

"N-No, I don't!"

"Then why are you bright red?" the future bookman pointed out with an all-knowing grin.

"T-That's not-I-I mean... I c-can't-" Allen sputtered.

"You love him," Lavi replied firmly and with finality.

Another knock came from the door and the Head Nurse, an uncompromising lady that usually meant well, came in. She pointed to the clock and frowned at Lavi. "Visiting hours is over. Please leave Mr. Walker in peace and come back tomorrow."

"Aww, can't I stay just a little longer?" Lavi moaned. "I want to keep Allen-chan company!"

"It's okay," Allen beamed nicely. "Lavi, you can go. You probably have more important things to do than stay all day with me."

Seeing the boy's beautiful smile, the future Bookman couldn't help but sigh with defeat.

"Fine, I'll go," Lavi reluctantly pushed himself off the bedside. "But I'll come back tomorrow."

"With my dango," the silver-eyed boy reminded helpfully.

"With your dango," Lavi confirmed.

"Don't forget to visit me!" he warned, mustering up his best glare but it turned into an adorable pout instead.

"Don't worry! I won't! Bye, Allen-chan!" the redhead waved from the door. He paused. "I'm going back to Japan in a week. When you finish your letter to your lover, I'll send it for you." Then he shot the small child a very honest and innocent smile. "And I promise I won't read it."

"Lavi!" Allen screamed in humiliation and threw his pillow at the red-haired teen.

"Eep!" Lavi slammed the door shut and the projectile landed on the ground without hitting its target.

* * *

December 25, 1938

It was dark as the ink on his nightstand and the moon hung, a bright pale orb, in the sky dotted with so many twinkling stars. Snow powdered the ground as well as the spindly tree outside his window. Inside, Allen waited in the gloom. He felt too poignant to light a lamp and the moonlight suited him well.

Allen waited. He truly did but the tension in his stomach was growing and coiling in knots until he couldn't take it anymore. Slowly, he let the tears he held in fall onto his sheets. He hated feeling useless and weak, unable to do anything to help.

"Allen, time for bed," Lenalee entered his room but blinked when she realized that the light was off. "Allen? Are you in here?"

"Allen! Allen!" Lenalee saw the tears falling across the young child's cheeks and rushed to his side. She checked his vitals quickly before deeming Allen stable. "Are you hurting anywhere? Did you have another seizure?"

The frail patient shook his head despondently. "No, it's nothing of that sort."

"Tell me what's wrong," she sat next to him and put her hands on his in a comforting gesture.

"It's just that Mana always spends the entire Christmas with me, and he... wasn't here today," Allen mumbled, looking down at her hands covering his with shame for being so weak.

"Oh."

"Why didn't Mana come today?" he spoke so quietly that the nurse had to strain her ears to hear him. She did not speak for a long minute.

"It's the war with the Noahs," Lenalee explained with a whisper, her hands folded in her lap. "You know how it is nowadays. Able-bodied men are being drafted left and right. I'm sure Mr. Walker wishes he could be here with you with all his heart and I bet he's going to bring you an extra special gift tomorrow to apologize."

Allen's head dipped in a barely perceptible nod. His father was at work as a message translator for the Dark Order, the only spy network against the Noahs. It worried Allen to no end when he heard news about the invasions in Germany and China. Mana had assured him that he was in no danger and that he would always visit Allen whenever he could. It helped his heart a bit but the worry was there, buried in his heart and growing each passing day.

"Lenalee, are you okay?" Allen asked as the violet-eyed girl gripped her dress with white knuckles. He knew that the war was a tender subject for her. Her parents had been killed in an invasion of her home village as the other residents in the hospital had told him. Her brother had fled with her to England and they had found work here. Every once in a while, news would come of another invasion, another battle lost, and Allen would be able to see the painful memories that lingered inside his nurse's mind.

"I'm fine," she smiled but Allen could see that it was forced.

"How long has it been?" the boy murmured. The older girl did not answer but merely stared into the morose silver eyes that had seen too much.

"Go back to sleep, Allen," Lenalee smoothed the child's moonlight hair with a gentle hand. "I'm sure Santa will leave you a present if you sleep."

It was another lie, of course. Lies were set up by grown ups so that children could sleep easier. Allen had never believed in such things but he didn't want Lenalee to be unhappy so he complied easily enough.

He allowed himself to be tucked in by his nurse and whispered good night. Vaguely, as the door closed, he wondered if what he felt now was what having a mother would be like.

Later, when all the lights had dimmed and his room was illuminated with the wispy traces of watery moonlight, Allen pulled out a flashlight from his blankets that he had hidden a few hours before. He opened the bottle and pulled out the contents. The small boy eagerly flipped the photo first.

This time, the picture was of Kanda but this one captured the man's more calm natures and there was a small smile gracing his flawless features. The man was in the garden meditating it seemed; he was in a lotus position and his face held the look of utmost serenity and concentration. A simple pair of black pants and a black turtleneck adorned the Japanese and his hair was tied up with some decorative bands. Other than that, there was an elegance that Allen couldn't put his finger on and it entranced him.

He tucked the picture with the other one and opened the letter with trembling fingers. Reading each word and especially the ending, he smiled softly and he felt his weak heart flaring with warmth.

"Thank you."

* * *

_December 17, 1938_

_Dear idiot beansprout,_

_You sound like a fucking girl for God's sake. Grow a backbone why don't you? Who asks about seasons anyway (besides sappy girls and hopeless romantics... fuck, don't tell me you're one of those weak little romantics that wait for their 'Prince Charming' and dream constantly about their first kiss. If you are, this correspondence ends now)?_

_But since you asked and I have nothing better to do, I hate winter because it's cold and I can never stay outside too long especially with it snows. Plus the old geezer and my fags for brothers make me participate in their annoying European holidays (who celebrates a holiday where a fat old man crawls down your chimney and breaks into your house? Honestly, there is no point in any of your idiotic holidays). I spend most of my winters locked in my room so they will leave me alone. Spring is just as irritating because of the allergies and I'm just fucking lucky as can be to be allergic to pollen and all the rest of that shit. Summer is as hot as hell and it's fucking unbearable in Japan. But staying in my room all day is boring as it is annoying. The stupid usagi throws rocks at my window and whines like a PMS-ing woman that I should come and 'hang out' until I'm forced to come and shut him up with Mugen. So I guess, fall would be my favorite holiday because it is the most tolerable. _

_As for a favorite memory, I have nothing and don't you dare pester me for one with that annoying attitude of yours._

_The good news is that the stupid rabbit is out of my life. He's going to England or somewhere else (preferably somewhere where he'll suffer). Either way, he's gone and I don't have to listen to that God awful voice of his. At least for a week. Shit, good things never last when I want them to._

_Your birthday is on the shittiest holiday of all. This proves something..._

_And I will admit something, since I am in a relatively good mood today. I actually... don't mind your letters. Fuck, I can't believe I said that._

_Kanda Yu_

_P.S.: ...Tanjoubi omedetou, moyashi..._

**A/N: Aww... doesn't that bring warm fuzzies into your tummy? Kanda wishes Allen a happy birthday in Japanese (yes, that's happy birthday in Japanese… I hope) even though he doesn't know the boy. Please review!**

**Please support Yullen Week on June 1-6! Support the Yullen love and Kanda's birthday!**


	3. A New Resolution

**A/N: Exams begin next week and I can't wait (insert sarcasm here). But since it's finals, it means that there's no homework. And no homework means time to write my fanfiction. Yay!**

**Lately, I've written chapters to all my stories but for some reason, I just stop and can't seem to write anymore. Then I come back after a few days and stare at my half-assed work and erase stuff. And add plot and fluff and I stop again. And I come back again and the process repeats itself. AH! Stupid writer's block! Thank you for listening to my ranting and I hope you enjoy the fanfiction.**

**Disclaimer: No, nothing yet…**

A New Resolution

_January 29, 1939_

When Kanda rose the next morning to begin his daily training session, he found a letter written on pink paper tied to a rock with some twine on the floor. He also noticed, with anger, that his window was broken. _Stupid fucking rabbit. He will pay dearly for that._

His attention went back to the brightly colored letter. It was decorated with bunnies, to his disgust. His first impulse was to rip it to shreds. His eyebrow twitched when he flipped over the envelope. The impulse was stopped in its tracks when he saw the name scrawled on the letter: Allen Walker.

His hands tore at the envelope with a haste that almost surprised him. Inside were a few words that teased him about his 'newfound love' (which he scanned over quickly with bright red cheeks) and at the very bottom was an address. An address to somewhere in London. To a hospital. To a certain Allen Walker.

Dark cobalt eyes widened a fraction before he safely stored the letter away in a drawer.

"Heh, what do you know? The rabbit did do something useful after all," Kanda smirked and picked up his sword for morning training.

His mood was considerably brighter than it had been when he woke up and he almost forgave the redhead for smashing his window. Almost.

--

When Kanda came home, he was nearly tackled by his foster father and brother. The raven-haired teen stiffened and resisted the urge to throw his foster father off of him. He did have a sense of filial piety and the concept of respect for his superiors in him and reluctantly, he let the elderly male do as he pleased.

"What the hell are you wailing about?" Kanda snapped angrily.

"Oh, my poor Yu-kun!" Tiedoll blubbered pitifully. Marie patted him but tears were also pouring down his tanned face. It must have been important then. Marie and Tiedoll hadn't cried this much since they received the notice that Daisya had died in the war with the Dark Order.

Kanda's dark eyes dropped to the source of all the grief. In the man's hands was a red letter.

"Shut up old man!" Kanda growled but snatched the red paper in his hands. "What the hell made you so emotional?"

As he read the letter, his expression became one of indifference. He dropped his hands to his sides and balled them into fists, crushing the paper in the process.

"My little son!" Tiedoll sobbed heartbrokenly. "You're too young to go to war! First Daisya-kun and now my Yu-kun! How much will they take from me before they are satisfied?"

Kanda knew he would be drafted soon and for some reason, his thoughts went to his sock drawer. That was where he had hidden all the pictures of Allen he had obtained by letter (keyword here being 'hidden'; he would be damned if he let either his foster father or his brother see them). Kanda thought of the boy's smile and his laughter (the way he would have imagined it would sound like). The image stayed in mind and he couldn't shake it out. Kanda nearly jumped in panic. Since when was he so attached to someone? And to a person he hadn't even met? He nearly kicked himself.

"Oh, my little Yu-kun!" the old man cried on his shoulder. It soaked through his white shirt to his disgust and he backed away quickly.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" the raven-haired teen snapped angrily. "I am not your son!"

He realized what was happening to him. Hanging around the idiotic rabbit while he ranted on and on about his escapades had taught Kanda that much.

"Yu-kun!" Tiedoll cried when Kanda hastily removed himself from the teary scene.

Kanda went to his room and quickly penned a letter. He needed to kill these feelings quickly before they blossomed into something that he would not be able to control. Kanda debated in his mind whether to send a picture or not but thought against it. The sooner he got this out of the way, the sooner he would be rid of the numbing ache in his chest. Instead, he pulled opened a drawer and pulled out something very precious to him. He held it to his lips for a moment before steeling his resolve and sealing the letter as well as the trinket.

He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his jacket as he made his way out of the house and to the nearest post office.

The letter dropped in and the flap shut with an ominous swish.

The deed was done but the ache in Kanda's heart was still present. If anything, it was stronger than before.

--

Allen smiled slightly when he put down his pen. "Done!"

He held up the written letter with a hint of pride and read over it once more before he deemed it good enough to send. Now for a picture to send to Kanda.

The door opened and the Head Nurse came in with a kind smile of her usually stern face. "Mr. Walker, you have a visitor."

The silver-eyed teen brightened immediately when a familiar redhead came in. "Good morning, Lavi!"

"Hi, Allen-chan!" Lavi cheerfully hugged the younger teen and held out a grocery bag with stacks of boxes. A sweet smell permeated through them and Allen nearly jumped with joy.

"Mitarashi dango!" he crowed, taking the sweets eagerly from Lavi. The redhead looked taken back.

"What!" he mock cried, holding his hand to his chest. "You care more about your food over the precious me? I'm hurt, Allen-chan."

Allen rolled his eyes and giggled as he pulled out a stick of the syrupy goodness. He nearly moaned in pleasure at the delicious taste. Lavi twitched, turning red from suppressed laughter.

"Dear Lord, Allen," Lavi deadpanned. "Your sounds are so dirty right now."

The only answer Lavi got was a pillow chucked at his head. "Okay, okay! No need to be so prissy about it! I felt I deserved some teasing rights! You will not believe how much all of that cost."

Allen swallowed his mouthful before glaring playfully at Lavi. "It's not my fault. The doctors here won't let me eat any sweets and I have to beg Mana and Lenalee to sneak me some but I'm still on a sugar deficit here!"

Within minutes, the entire bag of sweets was consumed and Allen sighed with contentment.

"So, Allen. Are you done with your letter to grumpy ol' Yu-chan?" Lavi asked.

"Just about," Allen shuffled through his photo album, "I just need to find a good picture."

"Oh?" Lavi smirked, "You send pictures to him too?"

"S-Shut up!" Allen blushed, turning around so that his back shielded him away from Lavi. Bright emerald eyes suddenly darkened.

"I need to tell you something, Allen-chan," Lavi said grimly.

"What is it?" the innocent face made Lavi wince. He couldn't hurt such an innocent and lovable boy. He would sooner jump off a cliff than see the white-haired child cry. But this had to be done.

"Allen, I'm sorry but I need to go back to Japan. I'm not sure when I'll be able to come back this time though."

The emerald-eyed teen could see the breath being knocked out of the smaller teen's chest. Large silver orbs filled with purity suddenly broke.

"It's the war isn't it? Is that why you're leaving me?" Allen murmured, staring at her pale white hands.

"I'm sorry, Allen," Lavi held a hand up to touch the boy's shoulder in a comforting gesture but then stopped after a moment of thought.

Lavi bit his lip and Allen stared blankly at him. There was a tense quiet that hung about the room.

"Cheer up, Allen-chan!" he said. "I'll be back before you know it and I promise to bring you an extra special present from my travels."

The smaller teen didn't answer but smiled weakly at him. Lavi thought for a moment, yearning to give some sort of hope to the smaller teen.

"How about this?" Lavi took a piece of paper and a pen from Allen's bedside and wrote quickly. He gave it to Allen with a flourish. Allen took the paper and stared at the unfamiliar characters.

"...What is it?" the pale boy asked. It was in Japanese and he could not read it. Lavi grinned widely.

"It's Yu-chan's address, of course!" he answered. "Now you can mail him any time you want!"

Allen felt his cheeks warm and his heart hammer in his chest.

"T-Thank you," he blushed, fingering the piece of writing with tenderness.

"I'll spend the rest of the day with you!" Lavi promised. "We can get Lenalee and go out and have some fun! I'm sure she can get Komui to release you for a day! Him and his sister complex and all..."

Allen nodded, his face plastered with a fake smile. "Sure, let's have fun."

"I'll go get Lenalee and ask her to talk to Komui," Lavi said. "You get ready."

Lavi got off Allen's bed. The door clicked shut and the silver-eyed teen could hear the fading footsteps. Inside, a small piece of him broke and drifted into the dark abyss.

--

A week later...

Allen sighed. He was used to Lavi going away on long trips around the world but this time his heart felt heavier than usual. The thought that Lavi might not come back to him made his disposition bleak.

"A-Allen-kun," Miranda Lotto, a nurse who was normally clumsy but full of good intentions, knocked at his door. She peeked in meekly. "You have mail."

"Thank you!" he smiled dazzlingly, accepting the thick manila envelope in her hands.

Seeing the address, the petite teen broke into a wider smile. Kanda.

He eagerly tore open the envelope and pulled out a letter. Allen frowned with disappointment. There wasn't a picture enclosed and he had been anticipating a new one of Kanda. Each one was a surprise to him, revealing another facet of the mysterious man who wrote him such convicting albeit rude letters.

He shrugged though and instead, unfolded the paper and began reading. With each word, the silver-eyed boy felt his frail heart breaking.

Allen held the letter with trembling fingers. He read the words over and over again until they processed into his brain. Six simple words. Just six, and they rang in his ears as he imagined the man in the letters saying it. His heart clenched painfully and he felt the need to scream and cry in frustration.

There was nothing Allen could do. Being drafted into the war was an everyday occurrence now and Allen should have foreseen this. But he felt so useless, lying in the hospital without being able to do something for God knows how long.

It seemed that joyful things that happened in his life never lasted.

His hand reached into the envelope and pulled out an object. Curiously, he held it up to the light and turned it in his palm. It was a white bead bracelet. He had seen it before in all of the photographs of Kanda he had.

"I'll keep writing," Allen smiled bitterly to himself. "I will never give up. I... I love you, Kanda."

The words were formed before he could stop them, as were the tears that followed.

But somehow, it would be all right.

--

_Moyashi,_

_I've been drafted for the war. Good-bye._

_Kanda Yu_

_--_

**Continue or not?**

**A/N: When I wrote the ending part of this, it sounded like the end of the story. No, seriously... it has all the clichés, the mushy words, the undying confessions of love, and what have you. **

**And I know, Allen loves a person he hasn't even met! Please do not flame me about that but rotten vegetables, bullets, and other items are fine.**

**Please review and tell me if you liked it!**


	4. Thinking of You, Where ever you are

**A/N: This has got to be my most emotional chapter ever! So please get ready for loads of fluff, angst, and all around Yullen love. Also, WARNING! Character death here but it's probably nothing new and you probably saw it coming.**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY KANDA! Originally, I was going to release this chapter after Summer Break started but since I didn't participate in Yullen Week (due to the influx of projects and exams), I decided to release this for our lovely Yu-pon's birthday! So enjoy and please ignore the spelling and grammar mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: Has there been any random akuma attacks and pretty lighting around lately? Nope? Well, how about a little white-haired British uke and his hot Japanese seme? No? Then no... I don't own D. gray man.**

Thinking of You, Where ever you are

_April 1, 1939_

_Dear Kanda,_

_I miss your letters. I write to you almost everyday now even though you can't answer them but I hope they do reach you. To tell you the truth, I love getting your letters and they make my day so much brighter. I enjoy reading every word and your pictures are all so beautiful. It must sound really silly from a boy like me though. In fact, to you it must seem insulting._

_--_

April 1, 1939

"Good morning, Lenalee!" Allen chirped brightly in between shoveling his breakfast of fried eggs, toast, cereal, bacon, and orange juice in large quantities down his throat as if he had starved for days. The sun was bright outside and the new birth that came with spring had arrived. He couldn't wait to go to the garden and see the new buds.

The young nurse said nothing but a trail of tears fell down her face. Allen's eating rate slowed before stopping completely.

"L-Lenalee?" Allen asked worriedly, setting down his fork. The girl's shoulders shook violently and she seemed on the verge of breaking into pieces.

"Oh Allen!" she sobbed, throwing her arms around his shoulders. He was confused but allowed the girl to cry on him. Quietly, more people filed into his room with solemn eyes and melancholy expressions etched on their faces.

His eyes lowered with puzzlement and he looked around his room. Allen realized with some perplexity that the entire medical staff had just crammed into his room.

"W-What happened?" the white-haired youth asked slowly. His heart monitor beeped quickly but the Head Nurse did not move from her position. There was no answer and someone coughed uncomfortably. Another person ran out of the room weeping. Allen took this as a bad sign.

"Mana Walker died last night," Komui finally said. "The station where the radio tower was situated was bombed by the Noahs. I-I'm sorry, Allen-kun. There were no survivors.

There was a pregnant pause. A small buzzing sound echoed in the room.

"W-What?" Allen asked. The words echoed in his head but they were barely there. Then it just clicked. Silver eyes dilated.

"No," Allen laughed nervously, his fingers unconsciously tapping out an irregular beat on his sheets. "T-There must be some kind of mistake... Mana can't be dead... h-he's supposed to come in today and see me like he always does."

"I'm sorry, Allen," the Head Nurse touched his shoulder pityingly.

Tears began falling from his large silver orbs. No, no, no... this wasn't happening! He roughly tore his shoulder away from the nurse's hands.

"YOU'RE LYING!" Allen screamed, "MANA IS NOT DEAD!"

"Mr. Walker!" the Head Nurse berated but it was very weak as if she did not wish to restrain the boy. No one moved to calm to the hysterical child.

"NO!" Allen wept bitterly, glaring venomously at all of them. "It can't be true! Mana is not dead! You're all lying to me!"

He flopped back into the bed rebelliously, kicking the breakfast tray in the process. It landed with a crash on the floor. Food splattered messily and china broke into shimmering pieces but Allen didn't care. He writhed as if in pain, and cried hot tears. He flailed around uselessly and bit his lip to stop from screaming childishly.

No, everything was supposed to be fine. Nothing was supposed to break his fragile happiness. He was going to get better and Mana was going to take him out and play with him like all fathers did with their children.

No, it couldn't be true.

"Mana," Allen sobbed.

_Though I am writing through my tears now, something horrid has happened to me._

"I'm sorry, Allen," Lenalee whispered solemnly, fresh tears gathering in her eyes too from seeing the usually serene boy in such a wreck. By now, all of the medical staff had filed out after giving the small child their condolences. Only Lenalee stayed behind to keep him company.

The white-haired patient suddenly shot up with a determined look.

"Let me see him!" Allen demanded fiercely. His voice was laced with hysteria and his eyes were puffy from crying. "Where is he? Let me go see Mana's body! WHERE IS MANA?!"

"He's gone, Allen," Lenalee repeated again but with some hesitance. "I'm sorry but he's gone. They didn't find his body."

She looked hesitant to divulge any more information but Allen glared at her.

"Tell me!" the small child shouted. Lenalee flinched and looked away until the petite teen grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him, "Tell me. Please, Lenalee."

Lenalee's heart broke when she glanced at the distraught silver eyes.

"The whole building was burned down. There is nothing left."

Allen's hold slackened and his hands felt numbly to his sides. He fell back into his bed and stared blankly at the cieling.

Nothing... left...

_I can't believe this. It's a never-ending nightmare, Kanda. Someone very dear to me is... gone..._

"Mana, Mana, Mana," Allen whispered like a prayer in his mind. "I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry."

He wasn't allowed to attend the memorial service because of his condition.

The room was quiet and dark. Many of the hospital personnel had gone to the funeral service (including Lenalee, Miranda, and Komui) promising that they would describe it to him when they came back.

It wasn't enough for him though. It was never going to be. He didn't even have a chance to say good-bye.

Again, he wept for the cruelty of this world. Again, he sobbed and wished he were cured of this disease.

"Kanda," Allen mouthed, though the actual sound was lost halfway through his vocal cords.

He dove for his momento box under his bed and pulled out the pictures of Kanda that he had. Holding each one with tenderness, his tears finally stopped.

Suddenly, it seemed like a part of the pain was lifted. Seeing the handsome male in all his scowling glory made a tiny smile creep upon his lips.

He glanced to his left. A pen laid there, basking innocently in the moonlight and suddenly he felt the compelling need to write.

His hand quivered when it touched the cool metal of the writing utensil.

_Why is all of this happening to me? And though I can't bear to say it, something worse has happened. Something much more worse..._

There was chaos, and mass amounts of people ran around frantically, desperate to save a loved one or to save themselves. Screams and cries for salvation filled the air as well as the sound of planes and whistling bombs. The streets were bloated with the amount of civilians running away and the number was swelling drastically with each passing minute. Ships, carriages, and any other method of transportation were thronged with scared citizens who wished for nothing more than to run away from the devastation.

Children were wailing for their mothers as they were trampled underfoot and people stuck under collapsed buildings cried out for help from fleeing passerbys. No one stopped though. No one could. The Noahs had invaded England.

Bombs were dropped from warplanes that flew in the air like the angels of death and everywhere, there was terror and fire as trees were blown away and whole buildings were eradicated.

In the hospital, nurses were rushing to save patients and doctors were trying their best to calm the frenzy around the wards. Fear lurked everywhere and every precious second counted.

Komui ran around the halls, searching desperately for his precious sister. People and patients flew around in the same fashion his papers did when they slipped off his desk.

He spotted the girl's twin tails and quickly, he grabbed onto her. "Lenalee? What are you doing?! We have to go!"

She panicked and let out a scream of terror. Komui reeled in shock when Lenalee elbowed him in the stomach.

"Allen!" the violet-eyed girl screeched, fighting her brother off her. "I won't leave without Allen!"

Another crash and the earth shuddered violently as another bomb fell to the ground and exploded. The shaking stopped the chaos for only a second before it became worse. The screams and pleas became more demanding as doctors and nurses now ran out of the collapsing building to save themselves.

"We must leave now, Lenalee!" Komui pleaded urgently, pulling on his sister's arm toward the exit. "We have to leave Allen!"

"No! No!" she sobbed and struggled to go back for Allen. She would not allow her best friend to be left behind or worse, die. Her will made her run faster but suddenly two more pairs of arms caught her. Behind her, she could see Miranda and Reever Wenham grabbing onto her waist.

"Let the kid go!" Reever grunted, pulling her along. "He's strong. He'll be fine!"

"You must save yourself!" Miranda beseeched the other nurse. "We'll come back for Allen later!"

Their words did nothing to soothe the girl but as another shell rained down from the sky and destroyed another part of London, she let go of the beloved boy.

"Allen, I'm sorry." Lenalee cried and ran out of the hospital with the rest of the staff.

In Allen's room, the small child remained oblivious to the sounds and the panic. His small fragile hands were folded peacefully in his lap over his box where he kept the cross that Mana had given him as well as the picture of Kanda and his letters that he cherished. Wide silver eyes stared unblinkingly at the people running around like ants outside his window. On his face was a smile. It was not a sad smile. It was one that showed he had succumbed to the manic part of mind.

"And then there was one," Allen whispered. Tears slipped down his cheeks and he sobbed but the smile never left his face.

_And now, I'm all alone. Have you ever been alone, Kanda? It's frightening to be by myself but there's no one left in the quiet halls of the hospital. I have no home and nowhere to run._

**A/N: Hmm... no Kanda in this one yet. I broke this chapter up into two pieces because it was too long for me (I like long chapters but usually I don't have time to read them). Expect the next part soon! **

**By the way, which side of the war do you think Kanda is on? Is he going to ever going to see our beloved moyashi? Please review!**


	5. The Birth of a New Savior

**A/N: Sorry that I have not updated in a long time because I haven't had the time (in between helping my mother and doing volunteer work, it's been hard), and my lack of motivation due to no new Yullen (manga or fanfic) certainly hasn't helped.**

**For you readers that have stuck with this story through thick and thin, did you notice that the last letter wasn't finished? Kudos if you did, and if you did not, it's fine because I'm just being too fussy about it. **

**So this is part two. I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not yet. Wishing for it? Hell yes.**

The Birth of a New Savior

_And the bombs; they're like shooting stars and they light up the sky like fireworks. It's both terrifying and awe-inspiring. _

Allen stared out the window with fear and trepidation. Warplanes soared through the sky with lethal precision, and no doubt they were filled with volatile bombs. The planes circled ominously around the city to Allen's terror, and they didn't seem to be moving out of the city premises.

"Please, not here," he begged silently. His hands, clasped tightly, shook like dead leaves in the wind. "Please, don't come here. You've already bombed here once."

His prayers were not answered. A loud whistle pierced the quiet air, and a deadly shell was dropped. Allen abruptly ducked, holding his head between his knees with his arms wrapped around himself. The ground shuddered violently, and a loud crash was heard. He knew in his mind that they had bombed the hospital.

Panic welled in him. Fire would start to spread and destroy what was left of his home.

As reluctant as he seemed, he had to leave and fast. Allen ran back to his room and searched around frantically for his memento box; his last memory of Mana and his family. He had to take it with him.

Quickly, he pulled out his box from under his bed and wrapped it in one of his bed sheets. He slung it over his back and ran out of his room. Smoke streamed from the cracks of doors and windows, flooding Allen's frail lungs and making his silver orbs water.

He held his arm across his mouth to cover it from the ashes as he ran down half-burnt corridors. He smelled the odor of burning metal and the acrid scent of poisons from the medicines being consumed by the flames.

Inferno burst everywhere. It was spreading too swiftly. The small child searched hysterically for an exit. His feet burned from touching the hot floors and his head felt so dizzy from the smog despite the fact that he was breathing as shallowly as he could. He heard the hiss as his feet made contact with the floor.

"I can't die," Allen felt tears prick his sensitive eyes. "Not here."

He had to make it out alive though. To keep his promise to Mana, to see Lenalee again, to laugh with Lavi one last time, and to see the man in the photographs.

Allen yelped with hope as he spotted the window where he usually made his midnight escapes. The glass was gone and the wooden frame had been punched through, leaving enough room for him to wiggle out. As he did, memories came back to him and he wondered when he would see Lenalee and the others again. Soreness came over his heart as he stole into the streets.

Allen drew in a breath sharply, staring at the buildings he had known since childhood. Wide silver orbs took in the destruction before him like the curious spectator of a gruesome murder. Small, broken feet walked slowly through the equally broken streets. The shops, apartments, and any other structure he knew and loved were little more than ramshackle pieces of splinters and rubble. A few of them were covered in flames that were scattering at lightning speed.

Foreboding settled in the pit of Allen's stomach. He chided himself for dawdling around when there was still danger, and forced himself into a run.

"Fire!" he gasped, darting past deserted buildings filled with blazes that hungrily tore at any available kindling. A shrill whistle of a bomb coming down at several hundred miles per hour and an explosion that shook the earth under his feet blew several buildings into smithereens. The impact propelled the sick child off his ground and he skidded several times before stopping. Allen groaned and curled into himself. It was too painful to get up and too hot to keep on moving forward. He vaguely felt blood trickling from his head.

"I'm sorry, Mana," Allen cried softly, with an almost wistful smile on his face, "But look. I'm going to join you very soon." He laughed quietly to himself, his voice failing him. "Wait for me, Mana. I'm coming to be with you again. I'm sorry Lenalee, Lavi... Kanda."

The last name rolled off his tongue like liquid sugar and somehow he felt at peace. He would have giggled with giddiness had his lungs not burned as much.

A sigh exhaled from his willowy chest. He gently closed his eyes and succumbed to the tempting sleep that plagued over him.

_I saw white light. It was shining so brightly that it hurt to look directly at it and I was scared but at the same time, it was really... calming. You know, Kanda; people say that when you die, your life flashes past your eyes. I didn't see anyone (I wish I did though) and strangely, it was okay. My memories were safe in my arms and I felt very serene. It was a lovely feeling but one that I wish didn't come so early. _

"Well, look what we have here," someone said tauntingly from above him. Grey orbs groggily opened and Allen nearly shouted out when he was pulled up by the scruff of his neck. So much pain. It hurt so much.

Allen wondered vaguely why wasn't he dead yet. Surely, such a sickly little body like his could not hold out much longer, he thought bitterly.

"Ooh! Such a pretty little face he has," another whispered, licking his lips appreciatively.

"Let's destroy it," one suggested gleefully.

His arms were held in a tight grip as well as his legs. "W-Wha-?"

Suddenly, he was wide-awake. Panic swept through him like a rush of cold water.

"N-No!" the silver-eyed boy screamed. He felt his neck break out into cold sweat when he saw the dull grey metal of a switchblade being held toward his face tauntingly. "Stop it! Please!"

He flinched when a soldier pressed the flat of the blade against his skin, allowing him to feel the contrasting cold. It caressed him like a lover as sick as it was. He adverted his eyes, feeling anger and dread well up in his body.

"Stop… please…" he whispered.

"Get ready, little one," one of the soldiers spat.

Allen screamed bloody murder. It hurt! It hurt! Fiery hot pain ran through his left eye as the blade carved into the skin and cut through it. He bucked fiercely with what little energy he had left but his arms and legs were held down.

"Such a beautiful scream he has."

He tried to cry but his left eye did not respond to his brain. Tears mixed with blood and dribbled down his cheeks. The salt in his tears stung his skin like small pinpricks. His chest heaved with the exertion as well as the pain.

Why were they doing this to him?

_Kanda, why won't you answer my letters? I miss you. I really really miss you._

"G-G-General," the man stuttered before dropping him. Allen whimpered with pain as he dropped to the hard floor in a crumpled heap. His arms were folded at an odd angle and his legs were going numb with agony.

No one moved, and Allen could hear the loud footsteps drumming in his ears. He groaned and attempted to turn around or get up but his limbs remained immobile.

"P-Please, g-go away," the silver-haired boy pleaded hoarsely. The searing pain had become a dull throb and it pounded like a drum. He licked his dry lips. "I want to meet Mana. Please, I'm begging you. Let me die and meet Mana again." Tears, hot and tired, seeped out of his eyes again, wetting his already rosy red cheeks. He felt pathetic for begging like this but it was too much.

His vision was filled with long rivers of black silk as the person knelt down and gently touched his bleeding face. Allen hissed in pain and lurched back weakly only to turn a few shades paler when his wounds bled out faster.

"You're the moyashi from the letters," Kanda whispered, crouching down to the boy and lifting up the white bangs to reveal hazy pearly eyes drenched with tears and mixed with blood. He frowned. "You're him. What the hell are you still doing here?"

Allen looked up blearily but all he could see was a blur of black and red.

"W-Who… are you?" Allen slurred with his last breath and closed his eyes. His head fell limply into Kanda's hand.

"Oi!" Kanda shook the younger teen. Shock and immense fear flooded Kanda's system. "Stay awake, moyashi! Damn it, stay awake!"

The younger teen did not open his eyes. Too much blood loss, lack of sleep and food, and his overall illness had drained the boy of any energy left in the small body. The raven-haired general tore at Allen's patient gown and checked for vital signs. To Kanda's relief, Allen was still alive but his breath was heavy and labored.

In an affectionate gesture, Kanda pulled Allen into his arms and wrapped the boy tenderly in his military coat. He took a corner of the coat and wiped some of the blood away from his left eye. "Moyashi, you're here with me now. It's going to be okay. "

His soft eyes turned steely cold as he turned back to the sorry excuses for soldiers in his army.

"Which one of you bastards did this to him!" he barked.

No one answered but one of the more cowardly men pointed to the soldier next to him with trembling hands. The soldier's eyes widened in fear and terror. "S-Sir! I didn't know! I-I d-didn't m-mean him harm!" The quavering soldier got to his knees. "P-Please h-have mercy! I-"

Kanda felt disgust and no pity in the depths of his heart. He hated weaklings like the man in front of him. In his opinion, there was nothing more disgraceful.

"Quit your pathetic excuses," Kanda sneered, cradling the small child with loving care in his arms. "Send him to be executed for treason."

The other soldiers in the battalion saluted without question (after all, generals of the Noah army were known for their brutality) and dragged the protesting and terror-filled soldier, now branded traitor to base camp.

Kanda's attention turned back to Allen, who was cradled in his arms. He felt a hard tug at his heart. Allen looked more like the child he was with his thin (was he always this thin?) structure and pallid complexion.

"Stupid moyashi," Kanda whispered, brushing his lips over the boy's soft bangs. "I'm here now, brat. I remember you. You're safe with me."

Allen murmured incoherently and snuggled deeper into the folds of Kanda's coat. A small smile formed on the older male's face.

"Come on, let's take you back home and get you clean, you idiot," he whispered although he knew the boy would not hear him. It didn't matter to him. There would be plenty of time to talk to the small patient. He had Allen in his arms now and that was what the only thing important now.

_Kanda, I want to tell you something... I think love you. No wait, I know I love you. You must think I'm so stupid and you might be repulsed by a person like me but I just wanted to say that before I'm gone. It's okay if you don't write to me anymore but I'm really happy that we were able to meet each other through our letters. _

_With love always and forever,_

_Allen Walker_

**A/N: How was that? Was the second part was better because of Kanda? I did a letter but I broke it up into pieces to convey more emotion. Please review!**


	6. It's Like a Never Ending Dream

**A/N: Okay, so... I am really sorry that I have not updated in a long time! I have two jobs, schoolwork, and dance class to cram into my busy schedule so my time has been occupied.**

**Anyway, Happy early Chinese New Year!!!! (Proud Chinese girl right here) Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!**

**Anyway, thank you for the lovely reviews! I loved reading all of them and they motivate me to update more!**

**The title was inspired by my friend (who I shall not name) except the word dream was replaced with the word sleepover. She described dorm life in college to me when I was spazzing about staying in a dorm the entire year. The statement made me laugh, and then squirm uncomfortably.**

**Disclaimer: Are there mini versions of Kanda and Allen frolicking around Headquarters and annoying the hell out of their parents? No? Then I own nothing…**

It's like a Never ending Dream

Allen woke to the calming scent of musk and something that smelled of oriental spices. His unfocused eyes stared at the ceiling (which wasn't a real ceiling but the top of a large pitched tent). He was warm all over and realized with a start that he wasn't in the hospital, let alone on the pavement of his destroyed city, anymore.

He shifted slightly but his arms, legs, and head felt sluggish and he noticed that his lips were numb. He recognized the bitter taste on his tongue from the times the doctors had drugged him for procedures. A wave of cold fear washed over him; he had been drugged with codeine.

"You're awake," a concealed voice came from above him. He blinked tiredly and tried vainly to strain his ears. Who was talking to him? Was that concern he heard in the person's voice? There was some shuffling and a hand touched his forehead, pushing back his bangs and checking his temperature. The hand was large and warm, reminding Allen of Mana but it was different somehow. "Your fever seems to be down. You have been sleeping for four days now."

"Wha-?" Allen mumbled, his tongue thick and clumsy in his mouth. The acid taste of codeine was still in his mouth and he couldn't feel anything else.

Bleary silver eyes sought dark cobalt blue ones. In his sleepy mind, he recognized those eyes. _From where-?_

"One of those stupid bastards cut up your face but don't worry. I punished him for his insolence," Kanda smirked satisfactorily looking almost like a tiger resting after enjoying a large meal. "He's long gone now."

Kanda's words barely registered in Allen's mind but he nodded lethargically anyway.

"Ah..."

"Are you alright, beansprout? How is your eye?" Kanda questioned. Allen furrowed his eyebrows. He blinked his eyes experimentally; nothing felt wrong. Was that worry he was hearing? "The bastard cut it up pretty badly but the stupid rabbit said you would heal in time although you will still have a scar." He turned to the side as if he was sheepish but his scowl remained in place. He replied in a grave tone, "I'm sorry I was not there in time."

"Eh...?"

Something soft and gentle touched his cheek and he leaned into it with a small smile. The hand drifted over to his eyes, fingering his eyelids and then to the bandage over his left eye. Slowly, the wandering fingers ghosted down his cheek and to his lips. They paused at his lips, tracing the shape as if they were trying to memorize it.

Allen graced Kanda with a sweet yet tired smile. His silver eyes began to close again, until he realized who was caressing his face. His eyes shot open quickly.

"Kanda?" Allen shouted. He bolted up in shock, throwing the warm blankets off of himself. "Y-You're here? Where am I?"

He instantly regretted moving too fast as his body protested and he lost his breath. Allen gasped, clutching his chest and swallowing air but to no avail. He fell back down but Kanda jumped and caught him.

"Moyashi?" Kanda asked, holding the boy in his arms.

Allen's wide silver eyes dilated as his lungs refused to work. He clawed the air, motioning to his neck and shaking his head side to side. His head swam and his eyes flickered in and out of consciousness. His whole body felt senseless from the medicine still in his system which made it all the more frightening.

Kanda's eyes flashed with worry but the frown was still in place.

"Calm down," Kanda commanded softly. He propped Allen up, supporting his back against his chest, and rubbed his hands across Allen's spine and shoulder blades relieving the pressure building around his lungs.

Gradually, Allen felt his constricted airways loosen and he sucked in a grateful breath.

"T-Thank you," Allen sighed in relief. Kanda set him back down into the blankets and even moved the pillows in a more comfortable position. He turned to Kanda, and it suddenly felt all right. He was with Kanda, his light, his savior. Everything was going to be okay. "Kanda. You're here," he whispered.

Then he saw the coat Kanda was wearing. The medals as well as the black shaded-in pentacle insignia sewn on the armband struck a chill inside Allen's body. He knew that insignia, had known it since the war had started. He had seen it on the planes that bombed his beautiful hometown, on the newspapers Lenalee had brought him when the hospital was still in one piece, and on the armbands of the soldiers that had found him in the remains of the city. Kanda noticed his staring and an impassive, hard look settled over his face. It made Allen's heart tighten and he twisted the blankets under his fingers.

"Where am I?" Allen asked quietly.

He saw Kanda's eyes flicker with some unknown emotion and he knew Kanda was debating whether to tell him the truth or not. It broke Allen.

"You're in the Noah army base camp stationed inside London," Kanda answered in a restrained voice.

The silver-haired youth refused to stay down and jolted back up. All traces of his breathing attack was gone.

"W-What am I doing here?" the white-haired teen shrieked, panicking. His eyes scanned the tent with darting grey orbs. He was on the borderline of hysteria now. "W-Where is everyone? The hospital-The patients-and the doctors-Lenalee and Komui-"

A pair of strong arms grabbed his upper body and pushed him back in bed. His body tingled from the impact and numbing drugs still in his body. Stars exploded in front of his eyes and he flickered in between pain and dizziness.

"Calm down, moyashi!" The older teen grunted as the younger bucked fervently.

"No!" Allen shouted. "Why am I here? Why didn't you just kill me back then?" He struggled against the arms pinning him down.

"I'm going to kill you now if you keep struggling like this!" Kanda threatened, cobalt eyes flashing in the dark.

At once, Allen froze and tensed. Silver eyes turned misty with tears and a look of absolute betrayal crossed his face. Kanda instantly regretted what he said.

"You said I was in an army base camp?" Allen asked in a rattling whisper. "B-But you're here." At this, Kanda winced and gave him a pained look. Allen took this as a bad omen. In a trembling voice, he asked, "W-Who are you?"

Allen noticed that Kanda wasn't holding him anymore and that the man had moved a few feet away as if he couldn't bear to be near him anymore. Allen bit his lip nervously. He couldn't breathe, waiting with fear and apprehension for Kanda's answer.

"I'm the general of the Noah army," Kanda said in a cold voice.

Allen felt his throat dry up and he vaguely wondered why everything seemed to go so wrong so fast.

"W-What?" he inquired although he heard the words perfectly.

"I am a general of the Noah army," Kanda repeated once again with a shadowed look.

Allen felt his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach.

Oh. Oh God.

--

He was in the enemy's camp. He was in a murderer's tent. He was staring at the general of the army that killed his beloved Mana. It wasn't possible. Kanda, who was his light when Mana was gone, who was his everything was he was alone in the abandoned hospital, had snuffed out that same light, had caused everything to become nothing.

Kanda had pulled him into an embrace and Allen felt sick to the stomach. He didn't move into the embrace but at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to move away. He felt strangely empty, as if all his sorrows and hopes had just left him. He didn't know anything anymore. Everything was just so _wrong_.

Allen's mouth opened to scream? To shout? To protest? Nothing came out. Fear and anger tore at frail frame.

Tears poured down Allen's eyes. He didn't feel sad, only empty, but it felt like the right thing to do at the moment, the only thing to do.

Kanda gently wiped away the tears with his thumb. Allen ignored the tender gesture.

"Moyashi," Kanda called him. Allen mustered a glare. He had no right to call Allen such a nickname. It made Allen feel filthy inside, to talk to the enemy so intimately. He had been talking to the enemy even before the war and it made Allen shiver with revulsion.

After a few moments of awkward silences, Kanda left him. Either he was respectful of him or uncomfortable with any further conversation. Allen was internally relieved that Kanda had left without saying anything to him. Another word would have killed Allen, would have brought him to the edge of his sanity.

Allen was left with his thoughts. There was nothing more he could do. He realized he didn't know what he could do. He didn't know what Kanda would do with him. He didn't know what would happen to him after this. This epiphany made Allen break into cold sweat. There was nothing here guaranteeing his survival. If anything, being here increased the chances of him dying. A bold plan, almost stupidly bold, formed in his head.

_I can run_, Allen thought. _I can run away and never look back._

He didn't think anymore, only acted. His brain had shut down, leaving only adrenaline in his veins.

Lifting the covers off himself, he moved toward the drawers and boxes lined against the tent. He rifled through them and pulled out a large coat and a pair of trousers. Taking a deep breath, he pulled them over his pajamas. He also pulled on a large cap, shielding his hair from view.

Allen darted out of the tent, nearly laughing at the sheer audacity of his "plan". No one in the camp noticed the petite boy sprinting across the lawn in clothes three sizes too big for him. For that, Allen counted his blessings. He was unsure of where to go. The hospital was out of the question; Kanda would most likely find him and drag him back. He didn't know where Komui and Lenalee had gone so finding them would be a fruitless effort. Then he thought about finding Lavi. He remember Lavi saying he would be in Japan but that was three years ago. Even so, the hope that Lavi would save him from all this was too big, too bright.

Yes, Lavi would take care of him and he would see the world with him. This one hope spurred him on, urging him to run faster.

He was out of the perimeters of the camp. Allen didn't know where he was running but it had been too long since he had felt such freedom, such happiness that he didn't care. In the back of his mind, he assured himself that he'd find a town and ask for directions. All that mattered now was the pounding in his ears and the beauty of just feeling the wind rush across his face.

Suddenly, Allen felt a familiar twinge in his chest.

_Oh no! _Allen shrieked in his mind. _Not now. Not now. Please God, not now._

He ignored it as best he could but pressure built inside his head with every step he took and his stomach finally couldn't take it anymore, giving him a solid kick from the inside out. He winced, letting out a strangled gasp.

He clutched his stomach and crumpled to the grass. Convulsions shook his body and he curled into himself. Allen heaved, his bright silver eyes dilating as blood came up and onto the grass, his shirt, his hands. His blood-stained hands shook as he stared at them with horror. He felt light-headed all of a sudden and moaned as he clutched his hands closer to his chest.

Allen looked around from his place on the ground. He saw the army's camp in the distance and cursed himself for not running a few extra feet.

"Moyashi-chan?" a voice asked softly.

Allen looked up and saw a great blur of red. It wasn't the deep, dark blood red that Allen had come to loathe but a nice calming red that reminded him of the blazing morning sun. He recognized it immediately and it made him smile.

--

Allen woke up feeling the same way he did a few hours before, tired and numb. He sat himself up, looking with dazed silver eyes at his surroundings. As far as he could tell, he was in a tent again but it was much smaller than Kanda's.

"You're awake!" a voice said cheerfully. Allen turned to the source of the voice and he nearly broke out into tears. He held a hand over his neck as if he feared his heart would just jump out via his throat. His heart was speeding so fast that Allen swore that the other person could hear it.

"Lavi?" Allen asked hesitantly. "Is that you?"

"Yo, moyashi-chan," Lavi smiled, emerald eyes glittering with mirth.

"Lavi!" Allen shouted with joy and hugged him.

"Nice to see you alive, Allen!" Lavi laughed just as joyfully and hugged him back. He playfully ruffled Allen's hair. "I can't believe I would see again, moyashi-chan!"

"Me neither!" Allen agreed.

"Well, we're together now," he said, enveloping Allen in another hug. "Just like old times?" Allen smiled, hugging Lavi back. He was so happy that one connection had stayed with him.

"Are you here to save me?" Allen asked hopefully. He sighed, glad to find his friend with him.

"What?" Lavi asked with confusion. "Save you from what?"

Lavi's smile had dimmed a little and Allen stared at the headband that the redhead usually wore. It was green like all the others Lavi had but on this one was a black star stitched with meticulous care. The same black star was etched on Lavi's armband. Allen covered his mouth and his vision became blurry.

"Y-You're-," Allen stuttered with horror.

"Yeah, sorry about that Allen," Lavi grinned. "No hard feelings, eh?"

He rubbed his neck sheepishly but inside, he waited apprehensively for Allen's reaction. Allen's eyes turned stormy grey with fury and infidelity. His shoulders shook with the force of his pent up anger.

"He killed Mana!" Allen shouted fiercely. "You're siding with the enemy! You're helping Mana's killer! How could you!"

Emerald eyes widened. Allen couldn't help but feel spiteful. He needed someone there for him but Lavi had deserted him like the rest of them.

"Wait, WHAT?" Lavi yelled, standing up and knocking his chair across the room. "Mr. Walker is dead?"

Allen said nothing but glared resentfully at the tent he was back in again. He could tell he was still in the army's camp and it made his blood boil because he knew that Lavi was the one who had brought him back. _You would know if you had been there for me. _Allen thought heatedly.

He drew his knees up to his chest and huddled as close as he could into himself. That spark of hope had diminished and was replaced with sorrow.

"Oh, Allen," Lavi whispered. "I'm sorry."

"What are you doing here?" Allen inquired hollowly.

Lavi hesitated to reveal anything but seeing the look that Allen gave him, he knew that he owed the boy at least that much.

"I'm part of the army as a historian," Lavi explained quietly as if he was afraid of scaring Allen away if he talked any louder. "Gramps is here too. We record what we see and hear on the front lines. Sometimes, we fight if we're in danger but most of the times we just record."

This made Allen's heart lighten a little. It would completely destroy him if he knew that Lavi, his best friend, was a murderer like the rest of them. It still didn't take away the sting that Lavi was part of the enemy's army but after weeks of pain and betrayal, Allen felt that this was the least of his worries.

"What am I supposed to do now?" Allen whispered. He buried his face into his arms and desperately wished this was all one horrible nightmare.

Lavi stayed quiet for a moment, noting Allen's distraught gaze. A slow, secretive smile spread over his face.

"Hey Allen," Lavi asked. "Want to know a secret?"

"No," Allen replied blandly. Lavi winced as Allen's denial pierced into his heart. This was not the sweet little Allen he had known since childhood but that was to be expected. Lavi only wished that some semblance of the innocent Allen could still be salvaged.

"Kanda loves you," Lavi explained in a conspiratorial tone. Allen made no indication that he was listening but Lavi hoped he was. "He's horrible at showing his feelings but he really loves you." Lavi beamed when Allen turned to face him. Good, at least Allen looked interested. "You're going to stay with us now. At least until Kanda can find a safer place for you to live, preferably a hospital where you can get treatment. Just think of it, you get all the time you want to spend with me and Yu-chan!"

"There are no more hospitals around here," Allen replied scornfully, steely grey eyes cutting into Lavi. "He blew them sky high with all his war toys. The army hospitals are all flooded with civilians and I doubt Kanda would be welcomed there. He is the enemy after all."

Lavi held his tongue. He refrained from voicing out the obvious option he knew Kanda would choose for Allen now that he was here with them.

--

"Moyashi-chan," Lavi nudged the smaller boy. "Hey, moyashi-chan."

"Stop calling me that," Allen mumbled vehemently. His head was submerged in a swathe of blankets and only a few tufts of white could be seen.

Lavi sighed tiredly. He was bored to death babysitting Allen, who refused to eat. Every once in a while, Allen would have a small seizure, which Lavi knew was part of the white-haired child's disease but the number and the frequency of the seizures worried him. Lack of food and the disease was taking its toll; Allen's body simply couldn't support itself anymore.

It killed Lavi because the camp did not supply the necessary medicine that Allen needed, and it killed him even _more_ that nothing he had learned as a Bookman could help Allen either. Allen had been his friend since Lavi had become apprentice bookman and Lavi cherished him as he would a brother. Every little tremor, every tear that he shed in pain made Lavi worry that it was the last thing that Allen would do.

The tent's opening flapped and Lavi turned to see Kanda come in with a new tray of food. Lavi greeted Kanda with the same silly grin and light tone but it lacked the usual mirth.

"Has he eaten anything yet?" Kanda asked, his eyes straying to the untouched tray on the ground. Kanda frowned but Lavi could see the concern behind the cobalt eyes.

"Not yet," Lavi sighed and shook his head. He stared mournfully at Allen.

"You go, and get something to eat," Kanda said tonelessly. He took Lavi's place by Allen. "I'll watch him now."

Lavi nodded solemnly before exiting the tent.

"Oi, moyashi," Kanda said, shaking Allen's body with gentleness. "You have to eat something or you'll get even worse."

"Go away," Allen grumbled.

Kanda was quickly losing patience. He was never a patient person to begin with but with Allen, he was surprised that he hadn't punched the boy in the face yet. He knew what the emotion flooding his chest area and he couldn't help but welcome it. War had taken away what little feeling he had but seeing Allen alive and well brought back better memories of secret loves, letters, and breath-taking pictures. He had crushed the hope of ever seeing Allen again when Japan had bombed England, knowing that there was a very slim chance of anyone living through the bombing. His chances were made even slimmer when he was promoted to General and he was required to stay back at camp devising winning tactics against the British. It was Lady Luck smiling upon him when he had decided to go to the war torn part of London for reminiscing purposes that day that he had found Allen.

"Moyashi, you're going to have to eat one of these days," Kanda retorted. "Now stop being a fucking idiot and get up!"

He yanked Allen up by the crook of his arm but Allen forcefully pulled his arm back.

"No!" Allen screamed, tears springing forth. "I'm not going to answer to a person who didn't ever return my letters!"

Kanda closed his mouth and for once, he was speechless. Allen glared at him with sparkling silver eyes and then buried his head in his arms and sobbed.

"I mailed you as much as I could, even after the town was bombed," Allen confessed fiercely. "I walked miles to the next city to even have the slightest chance of my letter being mailed. I waited so long for you to write back." Allen laughed bitterly. "I can't believe I thought you would mail me back. I was so stupid."

Kanda watched as Allen's lips turned into a melancholy smile. The smile was torn of off Allen's face and dozens of emotions flickered in those silver eyes before Allen's head dropped into his knees. The frail shoulders shook with tears again.

"I bet you didn't read any of my letters either!" Allen shouted, lifting his head up again. "You heartless bastard! Your army killed Mana and bombed my only home! But even so..." The weeping youth paused and let out a shuddering breath. "I waited for you. I still believed you would come and save me. I waited for so long..."

The only sound in the tent was a broken sob from Allen. He turned away from Kanda and tried his best not to look into those cold, unreadable eyes.

"I did read your letters," Kanda whispered. "I read them all."

The whisper was so quiet that Allen didn't hear it at first. Almost mechanically, Kanda made his way toward a small box hidden under some tarpaulin. Allen's eyes widened as he saw a bundle of papers pulled out. Kanda unfolded the first one and sat next to Allen.

One by one, Kanda read through the letters with such emotion that Allen felt his heart breaking over and over again. Allen felt like dirt for treating Kanda so horridly. After reading through all of them, Kanda looked at Allen who was crying silently, silver eyes wide and unblinking.

"I'm sorry," Allen pleaded. "I'm sorry."

He felt Kanda pull him into his arms. A hand caressed his face, tracing his scar with the utmost care.

He could see no emotion in those cobalt eyes but he knew that this was as close to caring as Kanda would ever get.

"It's going to be okay," Kanda said gruffly. "You're here now so I guess it's my duty to protect you. I'll make sure you stay safe, moyashi."

Allen laid his head against Kanda's chest and closed his eyes, listening to the rhythmic heartbeat that pounded like a steady drum against his ear.

No. Nothing was going to be okay. Nothing was ever going to be right again.

* * *

**To be continued?**

**A/N: Like it? Love it? Want more? Review!**


	7. Write to me in Bleached Ink

**A/N: Another chapter out. Finally! I've been having some plot bunny and writer's block trouble lately. My love of D. gray man has slightly curbed because of my new obsession in another series and lack of updates from my favorite artists and writers.**

**Haha... okay, OOC Kanda and Allen because I have lost their character. Kanda is a little more obsessive and caring and Allen is more uke-ish.**

**IMPORTANT!! Anyway, bad news and worse news. Bad news is that I have AP testing coming up so I need to study like crazy for those. And even worse news: because I need to focus on studying, I'm going on a minor hiatus. The next time I update will most likely be in the summer. Like in July because I'll also be at SAT prep and visiting Japan, China, and Vietnam (haha, my Asian-ness is showing). So I will see you until then.**

**Disclaimer: If Komui ever cleans his desk, he might find the document that says I own D. gray man but sadly that is never going to happen.**

Write to me with Bleached Ink

Life at the army camp was not as difficult or as scary as Allen expected. It was boring most of the time; Kanda had requested (ordered) him to stay inside the tent as much as he could. Allen spent hours staring at the ceiling of the pitched tent or reading the sparse books that Lavi brought him. Someone, usually Kanda or Lavi and sometimes Bookman, brought him his meals and some type of medicine that didn't help him. It seemed that Kanda didn't trust the other soldiers with him, and he was perfectly fine with that as he touched his newly formed scar with a wince.

When he felt better and more rational, he had asked Kanda for a mirror. He was never vain but he needed to see what had happened to him. At the sight of the scar, Allen had drawn in a sharp breath. A single tear had escaped his eye before he let out the shuddering breath. He handed the mirror back to Kanda, who was tight-lipped and cold, and Allen didn't speak a word to anyone that day. He contemplated wistfully if Mana would recognize him when it was his time to go to heaven.

Allen felt lost in this world full of enemies, killing, and war. He was in the enemy army but he didn't feel like he was in danger. He didn't know what to feel, how to act, what to do. Hours leaked into days and days became weeks. Time meant nothing to him anymore. Sometimes, he felt like running away again. There was nothing left for him. Kanda and Lavi were the enemy after all. Sometimes he cried over his lost home and his lost family. Sometimes, he screamed his lungs sore, especially when the disease hit him and forced him through hours of pain.

Occasionally, Lavi would come in and tell him everything that happened that day. News like 'Today we bombed another town', or 'the enemy army came near our trenches so we had to use the poison gas' came up often in their conversations. It made Allen sick listening to it all but Lavi couldn't find anything else to talk about and despite his disgust for the war, he wanted to know what the outside world was doing. In a way, it reminded him of the times Lavi would return from a foreign place and bring stories and gifts.

Kanda always came in late at night and settled down in a cot next to his. He never pushed Allen to talk, for that Allen was grateful. Sometimes, if Kanda saw him with red-rimmed eyes from crying the whole day, he would sit on Allen's bed and embrace him. Kanda always seemed to know if he was crying even if he didn't show it, or he liked holding Allen. It made the ache in Allen's heart go away a little and he could hold onto Kanda.

The ache, he realized, was want. He wanted someone to care for him. He wanted someone to hold him to this world, to anchor him and Kanda seemed to fill this ache.

Today was nothing special. Kanda had left early in the morning to go to a tactics meeting with the other generals from the other armies. Lavi and Bookman had gone to record it.

There is nothing to do in this camp, Allen sighed. He sat up and looked around the tent. It was the same drab grey-green that reminded Allen of the army uniforms. He twitched, searching for anything, _anything_ in the room to occupy his mind. Finding nothing, he flopped back into his warm blankets. He counted out the paces it would take to get to the boxes on the other side of the tent but he already knew it by heart (ten steps if he took them, seven if Kanda did). Then he counted out the steps it would take to get to the other items in the room. By the time he was finished, he had memorized all of it. Allen groaned, and slapped his pillow against his face. He thought about taking out his memento box but every time he did, he couldn't even bring himself to open the lid. It brought back too many painful memories that he couldn't visit just yet.

Allen moaned again as he rolled to the other side of his bed. He couldn't take it anymore!

Making up his mind, he pulled off the blankets and headed to the boxes where Kanda kept his uniforms. Allen donned a cap to hide his hair and a uniform a few sizes too big for him. He rolled up the cuffs and pulled on a pair of shoes, stuffing the extra space with socks so he wouldn't trip on them and to add another layer of warmth. In the boxes, he also found a pair of gloves. They were long and bulky but the insides were warm and it hid his unnatural red hand. After checking over himself to see if he blended on well enough, Allen walked out of the tent. Instantly he was hit with the cold. It seeped into his bones and made him shrink into his outfit more.

His breath misted and he rubbed his hands together to generate some heat. He didn't expect it to be this freezing. The sky was a deep washed out grey, covered with dark clouds. It looked as if it was about to rain.

Almost longingly, he looked back at the tent for its warmth but he also saw imprisonment and boredom in the tent. Allen steeled himself against the cold and began walking around.

There were tents everywhere, Allen noticed with awe. They extended in one direction, as far as the eye could see and in the other direction, a stream flowed lazily. He walked around, careful to make himself as unnoticeable as possible. Some of the soldiers were sleeping, some of them were cleaning their rifles while holding small quiet conversations in Japanese. Allen had been confined in the hospital for most of his life so he had never seen so many people acting so relaxed and at ease. It looked very normal for an army.

At first, he was afraid the soldiers would make fun of him or attempt to throw things at him because he looked so different and out of place but instead he was greeted with polite nods or ignored entirely. Allen smiled and stretched his arms; it felt good to be out and about again.

He strolled for a few more minutes, ambling wherever his feet took him. The sights were the same everywhere and it was a wonder how there could be so many people in one place.

"Oi, shounen," a voice stopped him mid-step. Allen stared at a ruffled group of soldiers playing poker. The person who had called him had curly black hair and a ridiculous pair of glasses. Unlike the other soldiers though, he looked European. Allen guessed he was Spanish or Portuguese. "I haven't seen you before. What's your rank and name?"

He hesitated. He didn't know what "shounen" meant (though he knew it was something in Japanese) and he didn't know why this soldier had called him over.

"I'm Allen," he said carefully, tugging his hat down to hide more of his face. He was afraid to give his last name; Mana Walker had been part of the opposing war effort and he was fearful to give that away.

"Do you have a rank?" the man asked again.

Allen said nothing but bit his lip instead. Luckily, the man carried on the conversation without pausing to hear his answer. "Name's Tyki Mikk. Want to play with us?"

He stared at the card game with veiled interest. Playing did sound like fun and it had been so long since he had anything to do but these people were the enemy.

"I don't know…" Allen trailed off, clutching the edge of his jacket. "I don't think I should..."

"If we win, you give us that pretty medal on your jacket," Tyki pointed to the piece of medal clipped over Allen's left breast pocket. "If you win, you get the medals on our jacket. How about it?"

Allen bit his lip. This was Kanda's jacket and he didn't know if he should be betting it so easily. Kanda would be furious if he ever found out but he never backed down from a challenge, especially at cards. Making up his mind, he kept his nervous façade and nodded.

"Deal," Allen said and took the offered deck of cards. He noticed their surprised faces with calm satisfaction when he shuffled the deck expertly in his hands.

A few minutes later, he found himself decorated with shiny medals pinned on his arms and any available space on his jacket. A few soldiers had been watching the game with mild interest but as soon as they saw how a mere boy was beating one of their best poker players, they pooled in their bets too.

Allen snickered secretly when he won another hand. Soldiers surrounding him either laughed or groaned depending on their bets and patted his shoulders encouragingly.

"Moyashi!" Kanda shouted.

Allen turned and saw Kanda heading towards him, anger and fury apparent in deep cobalt eyes. Right then and there, he knew he was in deep shit. The soldiers seemed to notice the ominous atmosphere because most of them headed back to their stations and pretended to busy themselves with cleaning their rifles or feign sleep. Only a few brave ones stayed, watching the interaction with curiosity and amusement.

"Kanda!" Allen called, dropping the cards in his hands. A few cards slipped out from the sleeves of his jackets earning a few shouts from the other soldiers.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Kanda hissed, eyes flashing dangerously. Allen could see that he was livid and he wondered vaguely if he had pushed his luck by wandering outside.

"I was just playing poker with these gentlemen," Allen replied lightly. He motioned to the card-playing group who looked just about ready to run in fear.

Kanda took one glance at the group and saw Tyki. His eyes widened imperceptibly before his gaze snapped back to Allen.

"Come on, beansprout," Kanda snapped. He yanked Allen up by the sleeve. "We're going."

"Wait, Kanda," Allen yelped when he was dragged up forcefully, "Why are we-hey!"

"Bye shounen," Tyki grinned. "Come play with us sometime soon, okay?"

Allen's eyes sparkled and he nodded merrily but Kanda snarled at him to stand down. Allen glowered back but it was pitiful compared to Kanda's. Kanda shot a warning glare at Tyki who smiled indolently in return, and stormed back to his tent with a disgruntled Allen in tow.

"Allen Walker," Tyki mused to himself as he dealt a new hand of cards. "What an interesting boy."

Kanda threw something at his head as they came into the tent.

"Ow!" Allen hissed when the corner solidly connected with his forehead and knocked him back into the bed. That _hurt_, Allen thought with irritation. "What the hell was that for?" He snapped and shot a withering gaze at the smirking general.

"A present," Kanda said simply, crossing his arms over his chest. Allen blinked, confused with such an answer as he gathered himself into a sitting position.

He looked down at his lap and inspected what Kanda had so _dearly_ given to him. It was an ordinary leather bound book with a thin leather cord to tie it shut. He untied the cord and flipped through the pages. They were stark blank and he touched the creamy pages with wonder. When he had opened the book, a pen had rolled out. He picked the pen up and inspected it, holding it with trembling hands.

He peered up questioningly at Kanda. Kanda coughed uncomfortably and looked off to the side. Allen could see faint red dust the man's cheeks.

"Write something," Kanda mumbled. "I won't see you every day because I will be busy-"_ Killing your country's people_ was left unsaid but the implications made Allen swallow uncomfortably. "-so write to me and I'll have the rabbit or someone else deliver it to me."

Allen said nothing but tightly clutched the book to his chest. He could tell that Kanda wanted some form of an answer but the words were lodged in his throat, refusing to be said.

Kanda knelt next to him and held Allen's frail hands in his own. Allen shot up, looking at Kanda with wide silver eyes and then at their clasped hands. His pale cheeks colored and he tried to slip his hands from Kanda's but the other man's grip was strong and sure.

"I'm going to be gone for the next few days so write to me about everything," Kanda said. "I once wrote that I hated you spilling your pathetic guts out, right?"

Allen couldn't help it but his lips twitched into a semblance of a smile. He could also see that Kanda's eyes had softened once he saw Allen's smile.

"Something along those lines, yes," Allen replied in a dry yet amused tone.

"We're both not good with saying things aloud," Kanda said, looking quite embarrassed about it. His gaze sharpened when they looked into Allen's. Allen felt trapped. He couldn't look away from those deep navy blue eyes and he realized that he didn't want to either. "So write to me instead."

Allen nodded slowly. Kanda said nothing but rested his forehead against Allen's and laced their fingers in the way that Allen had seen only lovers do. Allen turned bright red when he felt warm skin touch his own so closely. He was scared but excited at the same time. The feeling that Kanda was touching him made his heart flutter and for some reason, a little part of himself that he didn't know was still alive was happy.

"General Yu!" Lavi grinned, saluting him mockingly. "Package for you!"

All the generals and soldiers at the meeting stopped discussing and glared threateningly at the redheaded soldier for invading their conversation. Lavi was unfazed at the amount of glares he was directed with; he was a Bookman after all and therefore had immunity from any death sentences they could throw at him. Kanda looked up from drawing out battle plans and stared at Lavi expectantly. Lavi held out the package and Kanda snatched it from his hands.

"You better not have read it," Kanda threatened, cradling the brown paper parcel in his arms.

"Soldier's honor," Lavi chirped with a mock two-finger salute.

"I'll be retiring for today," Kanda said to the generals and his soldiers. He smirked when he saw the protest in their eyes but he knew they wouldn't voice it for fear of his wrath.

He settled himself in a small corner of the trenches and tore open the brown paper. Inside was the book that he had given Allen.

Kanda smirked in amusement when he saw that the bare tie that kept the book shut had been decorated with the beads that he had given to Allen so long ago as well as a small silver cross pendant. The pendant looked familiar to him. He remembered flipping through the pictures in the box that Allen had carried with him when he had found him and finding a myriad of baubles and cards at the bottom. He remembered picking through each piece of jewelry and wondering how Allen would look wearing them. Then dismissed each thought when he realized he was fantasizing (Kanda Yu did not fantasize damnit!). Kanda could tell that this particular trinket was important to Allen, probably from that Mana person he kept talking about in his letters.

He fingered the delicate filigree on the cross and the roundness of each bead before he opened to the journal.

_Dear Kanda,_

_I can't believe that I'm writing this. I can't believe that my life is still going on. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I see someone different and no, it's not because of my scar. That is a large reminder of it but when I look at myself, I wish that everything would be gone. My life has been turned so many times that I don't even know up from down. I also don't know anything about you. I can trust you as far as I can throw you (which isn't very far considering my weak state of health)._

_Camp is not fun. Every day is another bore and most of the time I sit around doing absolutely nothing. Lavi brought me a few new books to read before he departed with you. I've finished reading all of them and now I have nothing to do. In retrospect, this is what it was like at the hospital but at least I had people to talk to. _

_In a brighter light, the soldiers have warmed up to me, mostly because I have won them many games of poker against the warrant officers you have set here to babysit me. And yes, I know you set them here to babysit me. I was surprised when another soldier came into the tent and greeted me with a bow and a tray of food. Then he burst out into the biggest smile I had ever seen and hugged me like his life depended on it. To say I was scared witless is to say the least. He introduced himself and then we talked about anything and everything. He is a very open and carefree person and I had fun talking to him. _

_He was the one who convinced me to go out and mingle with the other soldiers which is strictly against your orders but he is a very convincing person and I can't say no when he bawls like that (I didn't know soldiers could cry like that). Not all of them were cruel and bloodthirsty like I thought they would be. Some of them were actually very courteous and invited me to play card games with them. When they found out my ability at poker, they set me up against the officers in exchange for certain privileges like an hour off daily routines or a half an hour more of bath time. I was only happy to aid them._

_By the way, the soldier's name is Alma. He says he is your best friend which I highly doubt because I know you don't have friends. The closest that I've ever seen you get to human interaction of the positive kind is with me or Lavi. With Lavi, I'm not sure if it's a love/hate relationship because you seem to threaten his life at least three times before breakfast and yet Lavi takes it all into stride. Then again, I'm not sure if Lavi is sane anymore. He repeatedly skirts Death when he taunts you and deliberately comes back for more. I'm beginning to think that the war and time in the army has addled his brain. When he comes back, remind me because I'm going to smack him to see if anything comes loose and returns him to his wits._

_With me... I'm not sure what we have. What do we have, Kanda? I don't know what to call you: 'savior' or 'killer'? Around you, I don't feel like I'm in danger yet I can't be comfortable around you. Lavi once told me that you love me. I don't know if I can believe his words. I don't know what else to say. Do you love me, Kanda? Do I have a place in your heart? Do I have a place anywhere at all anymore?_

_Yours Truly,_

_Allen Walker_

_PS: I made friends with the cook today. His name is Jerry and even with the food rations, he is able to feed the army quite well. He made me boiled rice cake sweets that taste like the stuff Lavi brought back from his travels._

_PPS: Alma says hi and tells me to tell you he sends his love... (I just laughed while writing that if you're wondering why my handwriting is so terrible)._

Kanda allowed a small smile reach his lips.

When Allen first woke up and saw him, he had seen for a split second the happy child in the photos. Kanda couldn't believe someone so war torn and broken could still smile so brightly. He greedily stored the beautiful image of Allen's smile in his mind and hungered for more. He wanted, _needed _to see Allen's smile, to see the large innocent orbs sparkle with mirth. Kanda had long come into terms with his feelings and the war seemed to only heighten his awareness with them. He loved Allen. It was as simple as that. He wanted Allen to be safe. When Allen found out about him, the broken look was more than he could bear.

Kanda hated the desolate look on Allen's face. At night, the blank, empty smiles Allen gave whenever Kanda asked if he was okay were ugly. He hated the smile because he knew when the boy really smiled, it would light up the whole room and somehow make his heart pound and render him speechless.

He cherished the image of seeing the real joy that Allen's smile could bring. He wanted nothing more than to see the beansprout he had seen in the pictures and if that meant sacrificing his heart for Allen, he would do it.

He picked up a pen and wrote.

* * *

**A/N: Continue? I read the ending of this and I was like, hmm... this sounds like how a story should end... But then again, it would end it on an unfinished note.**

**Love it? Hate it? Review please! **


	8. ATTENTION!

**Sorry! No new chapter out but I just want to broadcast the Yullen love. So… ATTENTION ALL YOU YULLEN LOVERS! YULLEN WEEK IS HERE! First fic is to be posted on the 19th OF DEC so please join and support the Yullen love!**

_day I_ **...x{ / YEARN }**

_day II_ **...x{ / BITTERSWEET }**

_day III_ **...x{ / GAME }**

_day IV_ **...x{ / ADDICTION }**

_day V_ **...x{ / MARIONETTE }**

_day VI_ **...x{ / WAR }**

_day VII_ **...x{ / ETERNITY }**

**ALTERNATIVES:**

_day i_ **...x { / SACRIFICES }**

_day y_ **...x{ / FROZEN (TEARS) } **

_day z_ **...x { / CARNIVAL/FESTIVAL } **

**day a,b,c,d... x { / Any other idea you have is good too! /}  
**

**There is more info as well as a link to the original forum on my profile so please check that.  
**

**Oh, and since the rules say I technically can't put up a chapter of just broadcasting, here's a sneak peek of the next chapter!

* * *

**

"Damn it, moyashi!" Kanda shouted angrily, "Get back here now!"

"No!" Allen shouted right back, running as fast as he could through the camp. His borrowed army clothes, a few sizes too big, impeded him though, and Kanda snatched the back of Allen's jacket earning him a scream.

"They're at it again, aren't they?" an anonymous soldier asked Lavi.

"Yep," Lavi grinned, watching the spectacle while slurping his soup and then making a face. He stared at the murky water they passed off as soup and grimaced again. Camp food was awful. He threw the bowl over his shoulders where it landed on some poor unsuspecting soul. "Sometimes I think that little Allen runs away just to annoy Yu-chan."

"Stop running, you idiot!" Kanda snapped as Allen continued to evade him. "It's not going to do you any good, you fucking moyashi!"

"Yes it will!"

* * *

"What the hell?" Allen protested, fighting vehemently as he was rudely shoved into the van with Lavi. "I-I changed my mind! Let me stay!"

"Sorry, Allen-chan," Lavi grunted as he pulled the defiant boy into the van with him. "But Yu-chan is my general after all and what Yu-chan wants, Yu-chan gets."

"How many times do I have to tell you, baka usagi?" Kanda snarled, momentarily pausing from shoving Allen into the van. "Don't use my first name or I'll castrate you with Mugen!"

Allen struggled against the hand on his head valiantly.

"And how many times do I have to tell you to stop threatening my family jewels?" Lavi retorted with a leer.

But Kanda was not listening anymore. Allen slipped out of the hand on his head and under Kanda's arm but Kanda turned around fast enough and grabbed the back of Allen's shirt. He gave Allen a forceful yank, sending him back.

"Stay still, you fucking brat!" he grunted. "Get in the van!"

"Hell no!" Allen shouted, pushing the man away with everything he had.

"Lavi! Get in the front, you're driving."

"Got it, got it," Lavi held up his hands in defeat and crawled to the driver's seat but not before adding, "Yu-chan just wants some alone time with his pretty little uke before he must part for God knows how long. I totally understand."

"Uke?" At this, Allen stopped long enough for Kanda to push him into the army van. "H-HEY! That's not-!"

The raven-haired general muscled his way into the car in between Allen and the door. Allen's stomach dropped as it shut with a definite bang.


End file.
